Page 108 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“Yeah.” I let out a breathless laugh. “I am.”
We’ve talked about this enough that I guess I shouldn’t be. But I just want it to be good for her.
“Baby,” she says softly, pressing her hand to my cheek. I grab it, keeping my eyes on the road, and kiss her knuckles. My heart is thundering in my ears, and I feel myself turning red. I want this to be good for her. Good for us. “I don’t want you to be nervous.”
“I can’t help it.” I just want it to be good for her, and I also don’t want to come two-point-five seconds into it.
I finally pull up to the hotel and park the car. We won’t be staying the night with her curfew, so neither of us has bags. I meet Harlow at her side of the car and take her hand. I pray that my palm doesn’t feel clammy to her.
Leading her into the lobby and over to the elevators, I press the button, and the doors immediately slide open. I kind of wish we’d needed to wait so I could have more time to get my shit together.
Harlow clings to my arm and can’t stop smiling.
I suppose I’m glad that if one of us had to be nervous, it’s me, because I would never go through with this if she showed any sign of hesitation. I don’t want to hurt her or cause her any pain, but from everything I’ve read that’s going to be kind of unavoidable for her first time.
The elevator gives a cheery ding as it arrives on our floor.
“The room is this way,” I say, leading her to the left.
I fumble with the key when we reach the door, so she ends up taking it from me. She gives me a small, understanding smile. I’m grateful she’s being so gracious about this, because I’m a mess.
“Oh, Spencer,” she gasps, looking around in awe as the door clicks shut behind us.
My heart is beating so hard and so fast that he words sound like she’s speaking in a whisper when I know in reality she’s not.
She startles me when she turns and launches herself at me. I catch her easily, wrapping my arms around her.
“I can’t believe you’ve done all of this for me. It’s so romantic.”
“Of course, I did.” I kiss the smooth curve of her cheek. “You deserve everything.”
She lets me go and turns, taking in the battery-operated candles—I made sure to get ones that the faux flame moves to make it more realistic—and light pink petals. She tiptoes over to the bed where a small package rests. I had to get my mom to help me wrap it, because I was doing a piss-poor job at it.
“Is this for me?” she asks, picking up the box wrapped in a shiny silver paper and topped with a pink bow.
“Yes.” I shake myself out of my fog and join her beside the bed. “Open it.”
She shoots me an excited grin. I gave her another gift at her house, but I wanted her to have something special here tonight too.
Ripping the paper off, she lets it flutter to the ground before carefully removing the lid on the white box. She gasps at the necklace resting inside. It’s a small flat heart with an S on it for my name.
“It’s beautiful.” She takes it out and hands it to me. “Put it on me, please.”
She gives me her back and pulls her blond hair up. Slipping the necklace around her, I struggle with the clasp but finally get it to fit into place. Turning around, she adjusts the necklace, so it sits perfectly beneath her throat.
“You already have my heart,” I tell her, gently touching the necklace. “This way you know you’re carrying it with you everywhere.”
“Thank you.” She touches my cheek reverently. “This means everything to me.”
I cup her cheeks in my hands and lower my mouth to hers. Her lips open beneath mine, and she presses her body into me when she pushes up on her tiptoes. I back her toward the bed until she bumps it with the back of her knees and sits. I let my body follow until she’s lying back with me on top of her. Warm hands skim beneath my shirt and along my stomach. I pull away just enough to yank my shirt off. When I look back down at her, she’s looking at me reverently.
“I love you,” she whispers.
I take her in, memorizing the softness of her features and the trust in her eyes. “I love you, too.”
I take my time kissing her and I’m grateful she doesn’t push me to hurry things along. My nerves need time to settle,and I want to give her time in case she changes her mind but considering she hasn’t in all these months I don’t think that will be happening.
The trust in her eyes never dims, even as I undress her and she does the same to me. I fumble with the condom, cursing myself for being so inexperienced. I should’ve practiced opening one before tonight, but I didn’t think I’d have such butter fingers. She takes it from me and opens it with a steady hand before passing it back.
