Page 126 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
He smiles down at me, but his eyes are serious. “You have no idea how much I’ve longed for this. You, here with me, in this house.”
“It hurts thinking of you lonely.”
He sighs, and tosses an arm behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t want you think that I’ve walked the halls of my home in despair, depressed, and pining all the time. My life is … good. It’s not as full as I want it to be, and fair enough it does get lonely at times. Especially in Hollywood, when it’s hard to tell who’s genuinely your friend, and who’s using you. But Sean has become a good friend. And Liam.”
“Liam Wade?” I clarify. “Your surfing hero?”
He laughs. “Yeah, that’s the one.” His arm that’s around me rubs gently against my shoulder. “I don’t want you to feel sorry for me, or to shoulder the burden like you think you’re solely responsible for my happiness. You’re not. I bought this house for us, but I could’ve sold it. I could’ve had sex with other women if I wanted. But I didn’t want to do those things.”
“I really can’t believe you haven’t been with anyone else.” I trace my finger along his bare chest. “That feels…” It’s hard to put into words exactly what it feels like. Knowing he cares that much about me that he hasn’t wanted to…
“I figured I’d move on eventually, but it’s been years, and it’s never felt right.”
I have no right to the way my chest squeezes painfully over the idea of him moving on from me. For the longest time that’sallI wanted. I thought it would be easier once he finally found a person, but I’m realizing now that it might never have felt right. I don’t voice that though, because I don’t want to give him false hope when I’m already so conflicted about things.
“Come on.” He sits up, pulling me alongside him.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
“To my bed.” He gets up and comes around to the other side of the bed, easily hauling me into his arms. “I’m not done with you yet.”
CHAPTER 47
SPENCER
SEVEN YEARS AGO
Icup Harlow’s rounded baby belly. It’s the middle of August already and she’s in her six-month of pregnancy. Her belly is small, but it is there.
She watches me with an amused smile.
“Come on,” I coax our baby. “Kick. Daddy wants to feel you.”
Nothing.
She laughs and then it finally moves, lodging a solid kick against my palm. “Oh, I see,” I tease. “You’re only going to listen to your mom. Figures.”
Harlow adjusts the pillows behind her on the bed. I moved in after my classes were over for the school year. I’m grateful her parents have been kind enough to let me live here—even if we’re on a strict open door policy, and I sleep in the guestroom. I’m not sure what else they think is going to happen. She’s already pregnant.
I move my hand to the other side of her stomach, hoping for another flutter or kick.
“Are you seriously not going to let me find out the gender?”
Amusement curls her lips. “No, because you can’t keep a secret, and I want to be surprised.”
I sigh, giving her my best impression of puppy dog eyes. “Don’t you want to be able to buy stuff?”
She shrugs. “I’m fine with gender neutral stuff. It doesn’t bother me.”
“Fun sucker,” I taunt jokingly. Sobering, I ask, “How do you feel about not going back to school?”
It’s been a source of contention between us. Harlow chose not to return for her senior year of high school and is working toward getting her GED instead.
“I know you want me to miss it, but I don’t. This is the easiest solution, and you know it. We only have a few more months until this one is here.” She rubs her stomach alongside where my hand rests. “And the idea of not being with our baby…” She trails off. “I don’t want that. I know I could do it, I’m not doubting my ability, but this makes the most sense."
“I just want you to be okay with it,” I explain. “I don’t want you to have regrets about missing your senior year or being with your friends or being able to walk at graduation or?—”
She puts her hand over my mouth. “I know you think this is something you stole from me, but I promise, I’m okay. This is my choice. I can still go to college too one day. When I’m ready.”
