Page 147 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“You feel okay?” Her dad asks her.
Harlow gives him a tired smile. We didn’t get much sleep last night after Monroe was delivered. We can’t even blame it on the baby since she slept between feedings like a perfect angel. Both of us couldn’t stop looking at her.
“Yeah,” she answers with a yawn. “Just tired. But I’m so happy.” She sends a smile my way and fuck it feels good to know she feels that way. The past nine months have been scary and life changing and it’s only beginning. This baby girl is going to shake up our whole lives. “The doctor said I should be able to leave tomorrow, so that’ll be nice. I just want to get home and get used to…” She shakes her head and blows out a breath. “Get used to being a mom.”
“You’re going to do beautifully, Harlow,” her mom assures.
“All right. Now it’s my turn. Let grandpa hold his granddaughter already.”
“Did you guys have any guesses on what the gender was going to be?” Her mom asks, taking a seat on the couch by the window.
Harlow and I were always careful not to discuss that, because truly it didn’t matter to either of us.
“No,” she answers. “It didn’t matter. We just wanted a healthy baby.”
“She has the cutest cheeks,” her dad says. “Reminds me of you when you were a newborn. But at least we didn’t name you after a storm,” he jokes.
“Dad,” she groans.
“I’m sorry. I had to tease.” He chuckles. “It’s fitting, though.”
“It really is,” I agree.
Even though we didn’t really talk about names prior, I think it all worked out for the best. It feels like she was always meant to be Monroe.
Her parents leave after an hour and then it’s time for Harlow to try to feed the baby. Breast-feeding hasn’t been going well, and I feel awful since there isn’t much I can do to help.
“Shit, it hurts,” Harlow gasps once the baby latches.
The nurse nods in understanding. “It’s a learning curve to begin but give it time. Both you and baby need to learn.”
Harlow nods, cradling the baby’s head to her breast.
I’ve reminded her that formula is always an option and not a failure on her part, but I keep my mouth shut because the last time I brought it up, I could tell I pissed her off when that wasn’t intention. I just want her to know it’s there and it’ll be okay if that’s what she needs to do. But I also understand she’s freshly postpartum and her hormones have to be all over the place. This is a learning curve not just for her, but me as well. We’ll get there eventually.
“She seems latched well. I’ll leave you to it, but if you need help just hit the call button,” the nurse says in a gentle tone.
Harlow nods, her hand that’s not cradling the baby’s head rhythmically pats her bottom.
The nurse sends a kind smile in my direction before heading out of the room.
“I thought this would be easy,” Harlow confesses on a sigh. The pillow rustles beneath her when she looks at me to add, “Maybe I’m not a natural at this whole mother thing. Maybe something is wrong with me.”
“Baby,” I exhale the endearment. “There’s nothing wrong with you.” I stand and cup her cheek. She looks so fucking tired and I wish I could take some of that away from her, but her body has been through trauma delivering our daughter. “You heard the nurse. It’s a learning curve.”
She looks down at Monroe. “I knew it would be scary when she got here, but I didn’t realize how much so.”
“We’ve both got a lot to learn. We’ll figure it out together.”
“You think?”
I hate how much she doubts herself. She’s going to be an amazing mom. She already is in my book.
“Definitely,” I assure her. “We can do anything.”
She gives a small, tired smile. “I love you.”
Brushing her hair off her cheek, I lean in and kiss her before pressing my forehead to hers. “I love you, too.”
