Page 154 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“I don’t care.” I pull out my plate of food and sit down beside her. “A fed baby is best, and happymomis best and you’re clearly not happy.”
I hate seeing her like this. I know she loves Monroe. It’s clear our daughter has instantly become her entire world. But I don’t like the paranoia that’s set in. It’s only been a few weeks, and she’s deteriorated a lot.
“You think I’m not happy?”
I close my eyes and blow out a breath. Fuck my choice of words. I know how she’s going to interpret that.
“You think I don’t want to be a mom,” she goes on. “This wasn’t planned, but I love being her mom and?—”
“That wasn’t what I was implying at all. I just mean you’re so stressed and running yourself ragged. You have to take care of yourself so you can be the best version for her.”
“This is so hard,” she says with a frown. “I worry abouteverything.”
“I know.” I place my hand over hers. “But remember, it won’t be like this forever.”
She sighs and wrinkles her nose. “You smell like a perfume shop.”
I groan. “I got handled by so many people today at the shoot that I’m not surprised. They also put a shit ton of product in my hair.” I tip my head in her direction. “Do I smell like a flower?”
She laughs and I’m relieved to hear the sound. I don’t want to fight with her. “Yeah, you do. How was the shoot?” I can tell it pains her to ask me.
She might’ve initially been okay with me checking out the modeling scene but now that I’m getting booked more, she’s not so sure about it. I can’t say I blame her for being cautious. It’s a strange world and it’s unusual I’ve been booked so much already, but a casting agent for commercial products saw my digitals and liked my look and has been recommending me left and right. The pay isn’t great, I’m too new, but it’s extra money so I can’t complain.
“It went well.”
She nods. “That’s good.”
I shovel a bite of food in my mouth. At the same moment the baby starts crying.
Harlow gives a tired sigh and goes to stand, but I grab her wrist and urge her to stay sitting.
“Let me get her,” I offer.
“But your food.” She eyes my plate guiltily.
“Will still be there when I get back.”
“What if it gets cold?”
“Then it’s a good thing we have microwaves.”
Leaving Harlow downstairs, I head up to her room and pluck Monroe out of her basinet. Her face is scrunched up in annoyance and she gives a gummy wail.
“Shh,” I croon, bouncing her in my arm. “You’re okay, sweet girl. Daddy’s here.” I rock back and forth. “You heard Daddy, didn’t you? Hmm? You wanted to say hi. I missed you today.” I brush my lips over her wrinkled forehead. “I love you so much.”
She settles somewhat, so I carry her downstairs. Harlow’s tired eyes meet mine. “Do you think she’s hungry?”
“When did you feed her?”
“An hour ago.”
Shaking my head, I sit down with Monroe cradled in one arm so I can eat with the other. “No. She just wanted her Daddy. Didn’t you, sweet girl?” I croon, making sure to keep her bouncing.
“You’re so good with her,” Harlow muses. “Better than me.”
I gape at her. “That’s not true.”
“She cries so much for me.” Her bottom lip wobbles with the threat of tears.
