Page 169 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
Things were rough for so long with my struggles adjusting to motherhood that sometimes I forget how good we were together prior to all of that.
He plants his hands on the counter and leans close to me. “I know you need time, and I’m going to respect that, but all I ask is when you’re ready to put yourself out there again, that you give me a chance. A real one.”
“What if I have nothing to give?” I ask softly. “What if I’m too broken?”
He looks me over with an intensity that makes me want to squirm. “There’s no such thing as too broken. Not to me. I’ll take whatever pieces you can give me and fill in the rest so you’re whole again.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
He cocks his head to the side. “Why don’t you let me decide that?”
“It’s just the truth.”
“Just because you’ve struggled with your mental health, and made mistakes, doesn’t make you undeserving of love.”
“I cheated on Jameson. That’shorrible. I never thought I’d be that kind of person. And I’m pretty sure you’re biased in this whole thing.”
“Perhaps,” he agrees. “But I’d argue I’ve known you long enough to truly know who you are at your core. Bad choices don’t change who you really are.”
“I hate myself right now,” I confess.
He gives me a sad, soft smile. “It’s okay. I’ll love you enough for the both of us until you’re ready.”
And somehow, I know he’ll do just that, even if I don’t deserve it despite what he says.
CHAPTER 69
HARLOW
It’s been a month since everything blew up in my face, and though the gossip has died down somewhat, it’s not gone entirely, so it’s no surprise when I get off work to find three paparazzi loitering in the parking lot.
“Harlow?” One of them calls out. “Are you in a relationship with Spencer Shaw?”
“Come on,” says another. “Just answer the question and we’ll leave you alone.”
“Rumors are you were engaged when you were caught in the car with him. Is this true?”
I ignore them and climb in my car. They surround me, determined to keep me trapped, but I’m sick of their games so I keep backing up until they’re forced to move. I’m glad that I haven’t been fired for their presence, but I guess it would be pretty shitty if I was, since Cool Beans is owned by Jasper’s parents.
I turn the radio up on the drive to my parents’ house and try to drown out my thoughts as I go. It’s June now, summer’s in full force, and that means it takes longer than usual to get to their house. Roe is loving her summer off and all her time spent with her grandparents, so at least there’s that. I guilted myself for along time for having to work and not being able to be there for her all the time, but as far as things go, I think my kid is well adjusted.
When I pull up to their house I’m surprised to see Jasper’s car in the driveway.
Grabbing my bag, I head inside. “Willa?” I call out. “Are you here?”
She pokes her head out of the kitchen, and I nearly break down in tears at the sight of my older sister. Thankfully, she listened when I told her not to come for a visit before, but man have I needed her. I haven’t wanted to bother her, though. Not when her studies are so important. I don’t want to do anything to prevent her from being a kick ass surgeon.
She closes the distance between us and throws her arms around me in the tightest bear hug. She smells like home—sugar cookies, fresh flowers, and the salt of the ocean.
“Hey,” she says softly when she realizes I’m crying. She pulls back, hands on my cheeks. “Low.”
“I’m happy to see you.”
She yanks me back into her arms in a bone-crushing hug. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come sooner.”
I shake my head against her shoulder. “No. You’re busy being a bad ass.”
She laughs, still holding me tight. “You’re a bad ass too.”
