Page 177 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“Yeah. I feel better now.”
I laugh softly. I love how simple and easy things are for kids. I’m glad she could get some clarity, though, since I hadn’t realized how bothered she was by the whole thing.
I find myself having trouble watching the movie as our evening goes on. My eyes continue to drift to my phone, and I know, I fucking know, that I don’t deserve to talk to Jameson. I know I’ve received the only closure I deserve. But man, do I wish I could hear his voice one last time and tell him again how sorry I am.
CHAPTER 73
SPENCER
SIX YEARS AGO
“Cut!” The director calls and I head straight for the shaded tent.
Filming a Christmas romance movie in California in full winter gear is more than a little uncomfortable. I shrug out of the coat and scoop up a bottle of water.
“You’re doing great out there,” my co-star, Ashley, says coming up behind me and giving my arm a squeeze. “Are you doing anything tonight? Me and some of the rest of the cast are going out if you’d like to join.”
“Oh, no. I’m good, but thanks.”
I drink some more water, thinking that’s the last of it, but she pouts and reaches out to grab my forearm. “Come on, Spencer, you never go out with us. I promise it’s fun.”
“No, really, I’m good. I have a girlfriend and daughter at home, and I like to spend as much time as I can with them.”
“Oh.” Her hand falls away from my arm like she’s been burned. “Okay. I didn’t know that.”
It surprises me that she doesn’t, because I feel like I talk about Harlow and Monroe incessantly. They’re my favorite topic of conversation and I can’t help but show off pictures of Monroe with her chubby pink cheeks and baby teeth any chance I get.At fifteen months her hair has gotten long enough to put into pigtails.
“You want to see her?” I ask. “My daughter?”
“Um…” Her smile falls. “Yeah, sure. I guess.”
I pull out my phone and bring up some of my favorite photos of Monroe.
“She’s adorable,” she says, but her voice lacks interest. I put my phone away and she drifts over to some of the other cast members.
Lydia, who I recently signed with to handle my PR, warned me that having a significant other and a child wouldn’t win me any points. That being “young and good-looking” is only part of how she can sell me, but that being “attainable” would help immensely. She’s mentioned more than once that it would be better for my image if I were single, but there’s no chance in hell that’s happening. I love Harlow more than I love acting, and if I ever have to choose one over the other, I’m always going to pick Harlow. I don’t think Lydia liked that answer very much, but there’s nothing she can do about it.
I finish my water and when everything is reset, we film the scene over again.
Acting has never been something I ever thought about trying, I didn’t even participate in theatre in school. I was more interested in surfing and skateboarding. But there’s something I love about taking on a character’s persona and bringing them to life.
When the day is over, I wave goodbye to the rest of the cast and head home.
They can enjoy the Hollywood nightlife, but I only want to be with my girls. It’s where I belong.
CHAPTER 74
HARLOW
Iloop my arm through Spencer’s, and he escorts me down the aisle—which is just a light dusting of flower petals in the sand outside my parents’ house. Jasper stands at the end waiting for my sister. He inhales a shaky breath, searching behind us, but I know he won’t get a glimpse of my sister just yet.
Even though the wedding is a small, intimate affair, Willa did splurge on having her hair and makeup done as well as a photographer. I offered to do it, but she refused, saying that I’m her sister and she wants me to enjoy the day and not be working.
I let go of Spencer and go to stand in my spot while he stands beside Jasper.
When Willa steps out of the house with our dad, I have trouble deciding who to look at the most—her or Jasper. She smiles at him with so much love that it makes my own heart hurt. My sister deserves the world, and he gives her that. He raises a fist to his mouth, his eyes filling with tears. He looks at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen and when she reaches the end of the aisle and my dad gives her hand to Jasper, he lowers his head and presses a kiss to her knuckles.
Jasper’s dad is officiating, and he begins to speak, stealing my attention for the moment.
