Page 183 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
Grabbing my wallet, I dump out a few quarters for the toy capsule machine. “Do you want to go get anything?” I ask Roe, sliding the quarters across to her.
She licks her lips free of the last of her ice cream.
“Yes!” She takes the coins without a second thought and darts off to the other end of the shop. I rarely let her get anything from those machines so she’s not going to turn it down.
With her gone for the moment, I turn my chair to face Jameson more fully.
“I want you to know, for whatever it’s worth, that I’m sorry. Truly. What I did was abhorrent and you didn’t deserve it. It was never about you and everything to do with me. I want you to know that. I’m working on things. But yeah … I’ve wanted to tell you that, because I hate to think you’ve wondered what you did wrong or what you could’ve done better, when there’s nothing.”
He nods, his fingers tapping against his cup. “Thanks. I didn’t know I needed to hear that, but I did.” He wets his lips with his tongue and leans toward me. In a hushed whisper, he says, “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too,” I admit.
He slides his glasses up his nose when they slip. “Do you think … do you think there’s a chance of us getting back together?”
“Jameson,” I sigh. His shoulders sag immediately at my tone “No. I don’t see that and I’m sorry. Again, it’s nothing to do with you. Even if you could forgive me for what I did, I would always think about it when I’m looking at you, and I’dhatemyself for it. I don’t want to live my life like that.” He nods in understanding. I place my hand over his. “Hear me when I say I know the perfectwoman is out there for you. I wanted to be her so bad, but I’m just not, and I hope when the time comes, you’ll be willing to open your heart.”
He doesn’t look convinced by my words, and I’m not quite sure I can blame him. Releasing his hand, I stand, and he does too.
We toss our trash, and I grab Roe from the front. He walks with us out to the parking lot, and he hesitates by my car.
“Bye, Roe,” he says, bending to give her another hug before she hops in the car.
When he straightens, he faces me with a sad, but resigned expression.
“I guess this is it, then.”
“I guess so,” I agree.
He nods and slides his hands in his pockets.
“Bye, Harlow.”
I smile softly, fondly. A small piece of my heart will always belong to him, I think.
“Bye, Jameson,” I echo.
He dips his head in acknowledgment and heads to his car across the street. I watch him go and find that I feel lighter than I have in months.
Closure isn’t always easy, but it is needed.
CHAPTER 76
HARLOW
Time passes in a blur of school drop offs, spilled coffee, and phone conversations with Spencer.
It’s a few days before he’s supposed to leave to come back for Roe’s birthday and I find myself up at one in the morning talking to him since it’s eight in Iceland. I don’t know what’s happening to me, but I’ve come to look forward to our conversations. I think I finally understand just what Spencer meant when he said he missed our friendship.
We might’ve fallen in love young, but we always felt like friends first.
“You’d love it here,” he says for what must be the thousandth time since he left. “It’s so beautiful. I can see Roe running through the lavender fields and having the best time.”
“The pictures you’ve sent have been stunning.”
I lay on my stomach, with my feet kicked up behind me as I talk to him.
“Maybe you and Roe should come visit for Christmas?” he suggests. We haven’t spoken about that holiday. I know he’ll be in Iceland until the second week of January, so it doesn’t make much sense for him to fly home and back for it.
