Page 42 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
Harlow stands a few feet away from us near Willa’s car with her gorilla and a goldfish she won, like she’s trying to give us privacy.
“I had fun today.” My hand goes to the back of my head, my eyes threatening to stray to Harlow.
“I did too, it was nice. And, uh, thanks for this.” She holds up the stuffed bunny I won today. I also got a turtle and gave that to Meredith. I didn’t get a chance to win anything for Harlow, but I’m not certain she would’ve accepted it anyway.
“Don’t mention it. Maybe I’ll see you again?” I look between her and Harlow. “We could go to the skate park if you guys want to learn.”
Willa shrugs and tucks a piece of hair a few shades darker than Harlow’s, but still blond, behind her ear. “Yeah, sure, maybe. We’ll see.”
“Um, right, then … bye.” I glance between the two sisters, wanting to say something more to Harlow, but unable to think of anything worthwhile.
With a shake of my head and a silent curse I get in my ’94 Mustang and drive away.
CHAPTER 13
SPENCER
EIGHT YEARS AGO
There are defining moments in every person’s life. Sometimes you don’t realize it until months later how something changed you, other times it’s obvious right away.
When my mom opens my bedroom door around ten o’ clock that night, the look on her face tells me whatever she’s about to say is going to be one of those moments that changes everything.
“Spencer?” Her voice cracks.
“Yeah?” I set my laptop aside, standing up from my bed. “What’s wrong?” It’s obvious from her watery eyes and the tone of her voice that something bad has happened. I feel my stomach drop and have trouble finding more words. “Is everything okay? Is it dad?”
He’s on a work trip out of state. Anything could’ve happened.
She shakes her head no, sniffling. She presses a tissue beneath her nose and chokes out and strangled, “It’s T.J.”
“T.J.?” My brow furrows. What could she be so upset about this time of night when it comes to my best friend?
“What about him? Did he eat all your macaroni salad again? I told him not to do that.”
“Spencer…” She looks away, pressing her shaking lips together as she tries to regain control. Slowly, reluctantly, she brings her gaze back to mine. “He’s gone.”
“Gone?” I repeat. “Gone where?”
I know she doesn’t mean gone to the store, but fuck I want to believe that more than anything. My throat feels tight, like the walls are collapsing in on themselves.
Tears escape her eyes, making tracks down her cheeks. “He’s dead, Spencer. His mom just called me in hysterics. It was a drunk driver and?—”
One minute I’m standing and the next I’m on the floor like my legs refuse to hold me up any longer. The room spins around me. The green of my bedroom wall turns into a blur and the rug beneath me feels too hard, too scratchy, too—everything.
My mom joins me on the floor, wrapping her arms around me like she used to when I was little and got hurt or upset by something. I’m definitely upset now. More like devastated.
I have to be dreaming, right?
T.J. is too young to die. We’re graduating this year. He can’t just be gone. That’s not … that’s not right. It doesn’t make sense.
But she used the word dead. Definitive. No second guessing. Not hurt, not in critical condition, she saiddead.
She’s telling me my best friend is dead? That he no longer exists in this life?
“I’m so sorry.” She rests her chin on top of my head, rocking us back and forth. “I’m so sorry.” Her fingers glide through my hair, trying to provide a miniscule amount of comfort.
I know she’s hurting too—T.J. is like a second son to her.
