Page 80 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
“Yes,” I admit. “I think that’s exactly why, and I never connected the dots until now.”
She frowns in obvious sympathy and pats my knee. “I think it’s only natural that you’d still have some sort of feelings for him. It’s not like you guys broke up for any nefarious reason on either of your parts.”
“What if I fucked up?” I squeak out the thing that’s been plaguing me since Saturday.
Poppy’s face contorts with sympathy. “Oh, Harlow.”
She pulls me into her arms the best she can with the center console between us.
“Did I make a mistake?” I cry into her shoulder, letting all my emotions flood me. “Did I let my pride ruin a good thing?” She pushes me back slightly and uses her thumbs to wipe my tears away. “I’m being crazy, right?” The words continue to fly out of me. “I mean, I’m with Jameson now and I love him. I shouldn’t be thinking about Spencer, but I…”
“Hey.” She presses a finger to my lips in an effort to hush me. “Have some grace with yourself. Spencer was your first love. You two have a child together. You’re always going to share a bond with him that you won’t have with anyone else. I think it’s only natural for you to question things if you’re spending more time with him. It’s human nature to dwell on the what ifs. I like Spencer, you know this, but Jameson is good for you.”
“He is, isn’t he?” I sniffle.
“I think it’s good you’re spending more time with Spencer. And he does have a point—it will make things easier if you guys are on better terms. Not that things have been bad between you, but it’s been strained. Just try not to stress so much.” She gives my shoulders a squeeze.
“You’re right.” I reach for a tissue. I always keep a box in the car, because when you have a kid, you never know when you’re going to need them.
“Of course, I am. I’m always right.” Twinkling laughter carries behind her as she gets out of the car. “No over thinking things.” She points at me with firm authority. “I mean it.”
She closes the door and hops into hers.
As much as I didn’t want to talk about this situation, I think it’s better that I did. When my tears are dry, I back out of the parking lot and head home to Jameson and Monroe, leaving all thoughts of Spencer behind me.
CHAPTER 25
SPENCER
EIGHT YEARS AGO
Ihold Harlow’s hand in mine, tracing my fingers over the lines in her palm much the way she did for me after T.J.’s funeral. We’ve spent as much time together as possible over the past few weeks. I’m not using her as a distraction from T.J., but it has helped to be able to focus on something else.
“Your hands are so soft,” I whisper.
“It’s because I obsessively use lotion.”
I laugh at her comment. “Is that why they always smell like vanilla?”
“Mhm,” she hums, the ocean breeze ruffling her hair.
“Are you ever going to let me take you out on a board? I think you’d love surfing if you gave it a try.”
She purses her lips and shrugs. “Maybe.”
I raise a brow, excitement skittering along my spine. “Really?”
“Sure.”
I don’t know why I expected her to not be interested, but I would do well to remember that this is Harlow, and she seems to always be down for anything.
“Next weekend?”
“Sounds good,” she agrees with a smile. Sand has somehow gotten on her cheek, and I reach out, brushing the specs off.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say, still tracing her palm.
“That sounds dangerous,” she giggles, and it’s quickly becoming my favorite sound in the world. Even better than the sound of waves crashing against the shore.
