Page 84 of The Infiniteness of Yesterday
My shoulders droop slightly. I feel bad, but I know better than to argue with Poppy.
I end up choosing a teacup that comes with a saucer. I’m not much of a tea drinker but I do have the occasional cup whenI’m struggling to sleep. Poppy sits down with a seagull, which honestly feels like a very Poppy thing to choose.
“How’s my favorite gremlin?” she asks, frowning at the colors she’s chosen like she’s suddenly unsure if they’re the right fit. She shrugs and dips her brush into the hot pink. I’m not sure what she has planned for the seagull with the bright hues she’s chosen, but I’m curious to see how it turns out.
“The same as usual.” I dip my own brush into a muted blue shade.
“It’s been too long since I’ve seen her. I swear when I have day offs lately, I’m too tired to do anything. I haven’t even been on Tinder.”
I laugh at this, because Poppy not scrolling on Tinder is unheard of.
“Don’t laugh at me,” she says, but she’s laughing too as she elbows me. “I haven’t gotten laid in like two months. That’s like a record for me since I lost my virginity. Is it all downhill from here?”
“I think you’ll be fine. Maybe you’re getting tired of hookups,” I suggest. “Do you want something serious?”
She ponders my question for a moment. “I … I don’t know. Maybe? But guys suck.”
Painting similar sized polka dots on my plate, I mutter, “Yeah, they do.”
“Oh, no.” She frowns, her face clouding with genuine concern. “What’s wrong? Trouble in paradise?”
Sighing, I set down my paintbrush. “Jameson wanted to look at houses.”
“Oh.” She cocks her head to the side. “What’s wrong with that?”
I purse my lips. “You know what our income looks like. I don’t have enough money in savings to help him with a down payment. I don’t even have enough if my car goes out.”
Her brows knit together. “I’m sure Spencer would help you.”
I snort. “Yeah, the guy that’s made it clear he still has feelings for me is going to give me money for a down payment on a house that I want to buy with a guy that’s not him.”
“Whoa.” She holds up her hands. “I was thinking more about the car. You’ve mentioned before he got you a new one and you didn’t take it.” She quiets for a moment and then probes with, “Has something happened between you besides the bathroom thing at your parents?”
I shake my head. “I’ve been avoiding him.”
Although, that’s damn near impossible considering we have a kid together. Not to mention, I can’t go anywhere in this godforsaken place without seeing his face whether it be on a billboard or a magazine in the checkout line. With a trailer playing for his current movie, I can’t even watch TV without the risk of seeing him.
Poppy presses her lips together in an obvious effort not to laugh. “And how’s that going for you?”
“Not well.” With a heavy sigh, I decide to word vomit my thoughts. Maybe my brain won’t feel so crowded once I say it out loud. “I think I’ve kept Spencer at a distance all these years, because deep down I knew it wouldn’t take much for me to wonder if I … if I made a mistake,” I whisper and look around like someone might overhear despite the fact that there’s only an elderly couple a few tables away and based on the way they echo “huh?” back and forth I doubt they’re hearing anything.
“You need a hug,” Poppy announces, which is a shock coming from her, because she’s not the physical affection kind of person. I gladly let her wrap me in her arms though, because she’s right, I do need a hug. “Listen,” she begins when she pulls away. “I think you’ll always have feelings for Spencer. He was your first love and he’s Monroe’s dad. Take some time and try to lookinto yourself and see if those feelings are just that or something more.”
“And if it’s something more?” I probe, helplessness threatening to cut off my airway.
She sighs and reaches over to gently pat the top of my hand. “Do you love Jameson?”
“So much,” I answer without a second of hesitation.
“Then I guess you have to figure out who’s your true person.”
Something tells me that’s easier said than done.
CHAPTER 29
HARLOW
Jameson throws an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. I wrap my own arm around his torso. We’ve both been so overworked and tired that on the weekends Monroe has been gone we’ve barely left the apartment, but this weekend we decided to drive up the coast and stay in Santa Barbara.
