Page 134 of Conform
“How long have you known them?”
“A long time. I met Barrett right after I left the Academy. Then I met Kane and Gerald about a year later. I met Bri two years ago. She used to be with my bunkmate.”
“Does she actually put daggers in the sofa?”
Hal chuckled against the top of my head. “Didn’t forget that? Yeah, she does. They’re sheathed, but she constantly tells Barrett she’s going to leave one unsheathed when he annoys her. We’ve all taken to checking the couches before sitting. She also”—he moved some pillows to the right of us and pulled out a lethal-looking dagger—“sleeps with one under her pillow.”
“Why in the world does she do that?” I demanded, shocked.
“Says it lulls her to sleep,” Hal said, shrugging, putting it back. “She’ll kill me if she finds out I touched it. It’s our one bunk rule.”
“Wait, you share a room with her?”
“Yeah. She moved in a couple of moons ago when”—he paused—“when her old place didn’t work for her, and she’s involved enough that this suited her.”
“Why doesn’t she stay in the other room?” I asked as jealousy coursed through me.
“Barrett snores. We drew straws, and I won. I used to have two male bunkmates, but”—he stopped himself, raking his hand through his hair—“they aren’t with us anymore.”
“And you two never . . .” I began quietly.
“No, never.”
I swallowed. “But there were others?”
“Is this really what you want to discuss now?”
I shrugged.
“Yes, there were. There hasn’t been anyone in some time.”
I nodded into his chest, that knot in my throat throbbing.
“I’m a moon closer to the procreation phase,” I muttered. “If I can’t stay here, then that means I have no choice but to go back to . . .”
Hal blew out a breath. “I know. Two moons left.”
It warmed my heart that he knew. I pushed off of him, coming to sit beside him. “Hal, I don’t want to give this to him. I can’t stand the idea of allowing them to take anything else from me. I want a choice. I want to be more than a vessel. I want . . .” I shook my head at all the things that rushed to be voiced—at all the wants I had spent a lifetime ignoring.
“To help,” Hal finished for me, pushing himself off the bed.
I pulled the blanket up, covering myself as I took in Hal’s naked body. “Yes, I do.”
“It’s dangerous.”
“You say that about everything.”
“Because it is.”
“I can’t spend my entire life doing this,” I stated, gesturing to myself. At what their conditioning had failed to achieve. I couldn’t be content like Lo. I couldn’t ignore the injustice. I couldn’t conform. Down here—down here I might be able to do something else. Something more. It was dangerous, but so was giving in to what they had raised me to be.
I might die from this choice, but had I not been slowly dying this entire time?
“Hal, if I can’t remove my chip, let me help,” I almost begged. “I want to do something. I can’t go up there and be with him. I need to do something.”
Hal bent down to retrieve his pants. He slipped them on as he said gruffly, “Then be his Mate.”
“I am his Mate. How is that doing anything?” I came to my knees, knuckles white where I gripped the blanket.
