Page 31 of Truth
I don’t know how to answer him. I know I feel safe and sane with him no matter how crazy our beginning. I know that my feelings are being etched in the fiber of my being, and I’m scared to death I won’t be able to recover from this loss. I know that when he speaks, he is the only voice I want to hear, and when he touches me, I could die and still feel sated. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but whatever is happening, the twenty-four hours we’ve spent together feels like what my lifetime should be. I don’t know what to say to him, so I kiss him and keep kissing him until I forget that the clock reads 10:59 p.m.
Pulling away, I look into his soulful hazel eyes and hope I’m strong enough for what comes next.
“Hey.”
“Hey back.”
“I want to take you someplace. Will you come?” Looking at the clock, he chews his bottom lip. “Even though it will technically be our second date?”
“Yes, I’ll come.” I rest my hands on his shoulders, then let them run down to his chest.
“Come on.” King grabs his phone and punches a text out as he puts on his shoes. “Car’s waiting, gorgeous. Let’s get a move on.”
Scooting my chair back, I look for my shoes. “Where are we going?” Fumbling to put on my sandals, I laugh and right myself back up to grab my clutch.
“You’ll see.” His demeanor is so playful that I imagine this is the card he’s been hiding up his sleeve. Rushing us down the hallway, he walks behind me with both hands on my waist, making my steps keep pace with his.
“Jesus, I feel like I’ve run a marathon.” My forehead feels clammy as we enter the elevators.
“Forgive me, but we need to rush to make this surprise possible.”
“So, it is a surprise!” I’m actually giddy.
“Yes, but I know you’ve been onto me…” He laughs as he stabs the button repeatedly.
“A little, but I don’t know what we are doing. You should know I absolutely hate surprises.” Looking away, I hope he doesn’t see through me.
“You hate them as much as telling the truth, little liar.”
Damn.
“You can’t fault a girl for trying.” I shrug unapologetically.
“Fair.” The elevator doors open, and I’m thrust into a race I don’t want to run, making me wonder what we must look like. We near the car, and King actually jogs up to the door to open it for me.
“Thank you.” I shake my head and laugh, catching my breath.
As the car drives us to our destination, we talk between touches and kisses. This feels like a silent acknowledgment of our shared desire. He tells me about his niece, Ella, who is only three months old and cute as a button. She seems to have the King men in the palm of her hand. I tell him about my first crush in third grade and how I could never look at another worm again after I ate one so that Tommy Green would be my boyfriend—joke was on me.
“You actually ate the worm? Whole? From the ground, just to be his girlfriend?” His laughter highlights the insanity of my story.
“Yes, I was committed. It was love at first sight. I had to be all in.”
“I like a girl who knows what she wants…” His eyes are questioning, reflecting the duality of the remark.
Am I a girl who knows what she wants? Because last week I had a live-in boyfriend that treated me like shit, and today I have a man who has been trying to convince me to give it a go. But in all this time, I haven’t given much thought to what I want past the idea of tonight. Fantasizing and real consideration are warring in my head, so I look away before he reads me too well, and I try and focus on the blur outside the window.
This night feels like a new beginning, but this time it’s on my terms and with someone who respects me and my needs. But I could just be seeing what I want to see so that the fantasy isn’t ruined. I barely know him, and we met at a fucking sex club. What am I doing? The panic in my mind starts to bleed out and seep into all the right crevices, feeding the doubt.
What the hell do I want? I want King, but I know without a doubt that my head isn’t in the right place. I need space, time to think everything through.
I feel King reach out and squeeze my hand, but I don’t look over at him. I don’t want to ruin the last moments I have with him. I feel betrayed by myself. I’m not ready for him—I don’t know if I’ll ever be—but I do know that if I spend any more time with this man, I will happily bend and contort until I am completely unrecognizable, and whoever I am, whoever I want to be, will be nothing but a memory again.
We pull up to our destination, on the edge of downtown. I look outside to realize we are at a private airport/heliport. Slowing to the building with wide-set glass doors, I can see the inside looks like some kind of waiting room. In the distance, I see three small jets and a couple of helicopters.
“What’s this?” I motion to the window for an explanation, I’m surprised and confused.
“Looks like an airport.” Leaning in, he starts kissing my neck.
