Page 95 of Worship
I broke her today, but I’ll spend my life trying to rebuild her. We don’t end like this. It may be the only piece of this puzzle I can control.
I walk to the living room and sit down on the couch, resting my head back. My eyes close, heavy from their need for sleep.
“Luca, Luca.” My body jerks from being shoved. “Luca!”
My head pops up, and I blink my eyes open. I must have dozed off.
“I’m up. Sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep for a minute.” My voice is groggy as I rub my face.
“It’s 10:00 a.m., Luca,” George laughs, smacking my shoulder and jostling me up.
“Jesus. I can’t remember the last time I slept in that long.” My mouth opens to a yawn, and I stretch. “Shit, I needed to be at the office today. Ella and Rose here?”
I pat my pockets and look around for my phone to call my assistant.
George shakes his head.
“Yeah, but Dom called, said he’s got it today and to handle your shit. Said to tell you that Gretchen didn’t go to work today. And also, not to be a pussy.”
A smile breaks across my face. Dom’s never one for tact. “George”—I put both hands on his shoulders—“I’m going to need some boxes. Think you can make that happen?”
“I’m on it.” He smiles.
“This is either singlehandedly the dumbest effing thing I’ve ever done, or Daddy’s a genius,” I say in a singsongy voice.
Ella’s little arms wrap around my neck, and I squeeze her tight, holding her with one arm as I raise my other to knock on the door in front of me.
My heart races. I’m in new territory, completely out of my element, but this is the only answer I knew to give her. I’m scared to death it won’t be the right one. The lock clicks and Gretchen’s face comes into view.
Her eyes immediately take in the scene in front of her, confused and surprised.
“What are you doing here, Luca?”
“I’m standing with luggage, holding Ella, with my heart in my throat, Angel.”
I take a deep breath, exhaling all the words.
“I’ve loved you since we met. I know that now. That time I sat outside your door and listened to you cry, I knew then I would marry you. And the night you made dinner and held Ella, making her laugh, that’s when I knew that one day, I would put babies in your belly and raise a family with you.”
Her eyes glisten, but she doesn’t cry.
“You’re always so strong.” My voice is gentle as I bring my hand to her face to wipe a tear that’s escaped. “But you don’t have to be. Because you aren’t alone anymore. Today was when I knew that no matter what you ask of me, I can give it to you because I love you that much. I’m sorry I was a fucking coward. I’m sorry I made you wait. I just wasn’t sure I could do it. But every time I thought about the alternative, I realized I didn’t have a choice. I can’t live my life without you, Angel.”
“What are you saying exactly?” Her voice is hesitant.
“I cleaned up my mess—well, cleaning. It’s a process, but I’m walking away, Angel, because there is absolutely nothing that I love more than my girls.”
I look down at Ella and back to Gretchen.
“You pushed me hard yesterday, made me see my life without you. And it’s bleak. I want to be the man I see in your eyes, every time you look at me. Let me be that man for you.”
I take a step forward, but Gretchen steps back. I’ve hurt her badly.
Gretchen doesn’t say anything as Ella reaches out for her. She takes Ella’s tiny hand in hers, stepping in closer to kiss it, and I lock eyes with her.
“I don’t expect you to come to me, bend for me, or make any concessions. I’m coming to you, baby…we’re coming to you. We want you to take us, baggage and all.”
Her eyes soften at my words. She understands I’m giving up control.
