Page 75 of Vicious Little Snakes
My brows furrow, unfamiliar with what I feel as I say, “Thank you.”
I’m spent, stomach cramping as I try to push off the toilet, but I can’t. She helps me to stand and walk to the sink, where I brush my teeth and rinse. She stands behind me, catching my eyes as I look up into the mirror, taking my hand and motioning toward my room. “Come on. Let’s go to bed.”
I follow her out. It’s fitting that it’s Donovan who’s here. She’s the only other person that could understand my grief. She knows what it’s like to love someone you can’t have and hurt them only because they might love you back.
Donovan walks me back to my bed, helping me in, not bothering with my dress, and pulls the cover over me. I sigh, wondering how long she’ll stand there at my back, secretly wishing she doesn’t leave.
“Are you going to be okay? Do you want to talk? Or sleep?”
I pull the blanket up to my neck, answering with a lie, “I’m fine. You can go.”
Please stay.
“Care—”
“Stop, Donovan,” I cut in. “I’ll be fine. I just need to sleep.”
The mattress dips, and Donovan gives my back a small pat for me to move over. I scoot, making room for her, feeling her lay down and spoon my body. Her hand strokes my hair before she wraps an arm around me, squeezing.The inside of me literally shakes. I don’t want to need her hug, but I do so badly.
“Okay,” she breathes out. “Let’s sleep.”
I can’t answer because my body curls into itself as my chin quivers.
“I’m scared I’ll disappear, D, because it hurts that much.”
My voice is stuttered and cracking as I say it, but she only pulls me closer.
“Shhh,” she whispers. “You’re not disappearing because I see you—sweet, broken, mean, hopelessly in love, Caroline, I see you. And I’m sorry it took so long.”
I pull Donovan’s arm tighter around me and let my sorrow escape my lips and fill the room.
“I wish I could go back and tell him I’m sorry—when it mattered. I wish I could make us unmeet, so all of the hurt and the lies never happened. I turned him into this monster—I ruined the only precious thing life ever gave me.”
She says nothing as I cry for myself, for Liam, for the future we’ll never have. I cry because I love him so desperately, but now that we’ve done so much damage, we’re unrecognizable.
I love him, so I hurt him because poor little Caroline hates herself so much, she doesn’t believe anyone could ever really love her—that could only ever be a lie.
We were over before we even began.
My eyes close in between my tears, eventually winning the battle and bringing sleep, and along with it, all the haunted memories I want to forget.
Liam
It’s three in the morning. The party’s long over, and I’m sitting in the dark, staring across this room, unable to leave.
I ran from Caroline, and myself, walking the streets and looking for trouble but finding nothing. Good thing because there was already enough of it inside of me that I didn’t need any help beating myself up. But no matter the path I walked, I ended right back where I started—here, sneaking inside as people left. I waited in the shadows, watching as Donovan quietly shut Caroline’s door behind her before slipping inside.
Of all the fucking places I could go, the beds that would welcome me, here is where I sit, watching the girl I tried to crush sleep. Praying that she’ll let me try to put her back together because of what I did. What I said—it’s unforgivable.
Caroline’s body stirs before rolling over and tucking the blanket under her chin. She looks peaceful, but I doubt she feels that way. I haven’t taken my eyes off of her since I sat down, listening to every soft breath, wondering what I’ll say if she wakes up.
I think I needed to prove that she was still whole because it feels like I took a chunk from her broken heart—straight out of her chest.
My head hangs in my hands, elbows on my knees, as I stare at the floor.If God is real, I hope he knows that I’ll do any penance to set this right.
“What are you doing here?”
Her soft voice lifts my face, big eyes staring back at me. All my words get stuck. Until the truth tumbles out.
