Page 76 of Vicious Little Snakes
“I don’t know.”
Her eyes narrow, thoughts flitting over her face. She has every right to be angry—to hate me. I can’t blame her. What I did—fuck. I can barely stand the thought of living with it, and it’s not stuck on me.
“You should leave.”
I nod but start speaking before I lose my nerve, “I needed to make sure you were okay. The things I said—”
Words begin to fail me, so I take a breath.
“—The hate that I drowned you in tonight. I don’t know how to make that right. I didn’t even mean it. I don’t why I said it all. I just hated myself so much for all the things I was too much of a fucking pussy to say—all the reasons it was never me you chose, that I think I wanted you to hurt just as much.”
I clear my throat, trying to keep my emotions at bay, as Caroline’s fingers wipe over her cheeks.
“All you did was tell the truth, Liam. The words are meaningless. It only hurts becauseyousaid them.”
My hands wipe down my face as I let out a breath.
“No, Caroline. I lied. There is no world in which ‘Poor Caroline’ exists. But I hate myself because the truth is, I needed you to be as empty as I feel. Sorry isn’t enough for what I’ve done because now I’m just another person who hurt you.”
Caroline pushes the blanket back, her party dress still on. She wiggles off the bed, padding slowly across the distance before stopping between my legs, wrapping her arms around her waist. I want to drop to my knees and beg her to forgive me, but I owe her words, not actions, yet.
“And I don’t hate you. I was a coward. I was mad you chose Kai. Even madder finding out that you did it to hurt me. But tonight, I walked the city trying to put myself in your shoes. I’ve never given you a reason to believe in me. All those months, I wanted to be with you, and I made you wait around. You must’ve felt like a fool.”
She gives away nothing behind her mask as I continue.
“I was too scared to admit my feelings because I didn’t know what Grey would say, and back then, I didn’t know how to navigate the world without him. I was scared. So I fucked random girls and held your hand. Acted like a prick while I was trying to be your prince. I sat around, hoping something magical would happen to let me have you, all the while making you feel like shit. I’m sorry, Caroline.”
Her hand lifts, running over my head, and I close my eyes, leaning into it.
“How is it that I canlove youandhate youwith the same heart?”
I rest my forehead on her stomach, hands coming to her waist. I’ve never understood anything more. We can’t walk away because love brings us back, but all the goddamn hate we feel for ourselves, each other, creates our tragedy.
I swallow down the lump in my throat as my eyes close.
“Hate me, like you should for all the other villains in your story.”
My eyes lift to hers, my chin against her stomach as she pores over my face.
“We’re all sinners here, Liam. Welcome to the club.”
Her chin trembles, but I shake my head, reaching up to wipe her cheeks. “Please don’t cry. I don’t deserve your tears. Because you’re right. I’ve always been a liar and a fucking coward. Baby, don’t cry.”
I can feel her stomach dipping and pushing out as she breathes. She gazes down at me, pressing her hands over mine onto her face.
“Liam. That night. I knew what you were doing. Iamdiabolical—but I knew it was all a setup to be a notch in your belt. A wicked little game you and Grey were playing. So I beat you at it by seducing Kai, knowing you’d see. I wanted you to hurt as much as I did too.”
Oh fuck. She doesn’t understand. All this time, this is what she thought—the reason why she did that. She’s not diabolical, that was survival, and my Carebear has carried that broken heart on her sleeve since.
“No. Baby.” I pull her toward my face, whispering my words into her lips, “I wasn’t going to touch you in the atrium. I swear. You were never a game.”
I hear her suck in a breath, and my own tears spread over my cheeks as we come eye to eye.
“I wanted to ask you to be mine, Caroline. To kiss you in the dark—because you’re right—it makes everything easier, and I was a fucking pussy.”
She pushes against my shoulders, straightening, her face staring at the ceiling. My hands find her waist, wrapping around and kissing her stomach. “I just wanted to steal another moment.”
I feel her crying, and I hate myself for what I’ve done to her.
