Page 82 of The Pretender
“We’re the same age, I’m a few months older. The family called us the twins forever until Brogan came out as trans, even though we’re more alike now than we were before.”
“And Brogan dates men and women?”
“Brogan dates whoever they fancy, but mostly male presenting people. Whether they’re cis, trans, or nonbinary doesn’t matter.”
“Is Brogan happy? They seem happy.”
“They are. They found that elusive state of believing in themselves so much that outside opinions don’t affect them. Coming out changed them for the better. Brogan was super shy before and very insecure. It was like their skin didn’t fit right. Once they realized they were trans, everything shifted. They found their style, their voice, and their confidence. It’s been amazing to watch them grow into the person they were always meant to be.”
“That’s wonderful. We all deserve to feel good in our bodies.”
Deo plops down next to me on the couch. “I agree. My insecurities never came from my looks or my sexuality. They came from not living up to something I put in my head a long time ago. I thought I was gonna have this big city life and make millions, but the reality of getting to that point is harsh. I wasn’t willing to play the games and be cutthroat to people to get a leg up, you know?”
I nod, rubbing his thigh. “It is a competitive world.”
“I thought I wanted it and that I would, I don’t know, prove something to my family.” He smiles, glancing down for a moment. “The longer I’m here, the more I know I was meant for this. This was always my destiny, and I can do anything I want with it. I’m sleeping better, I don’t abuse my body with caffeine and junk food all day just to feel something, and I missed my family more than I realized. I took the long way, but at least I got here.”
“You’re gonna do great things. I’m sure of it.”
“Thanks.”
We fall silent for a moment while I wonder what’s on his mind. Maybe all this newfound clarity is opening his eyes to this relationship and how fucked up it is. He deserves a man who can commit fully, who can keep him and his family safe, and that man isn’t me. I should tell him I have to go soon, but the words won’t come. I don’t want to leave for several reasons. I actually like it here. I like the work—it’s legal and wholesome. But the biggest reason is that I like Deo.
A lot.
Far more than I should.
“I have an idea,” Deo says with a growing smile. “Why don’t we go to the bedroom?”
“For?”
“A little surprise.” He climbs onto my lap, draping his arms around my neck. “You’ve been a very good boy, Balt. Working hard, being sexy.” He squeezes my shoulders. “I bet you could use a little stress reduction.”
I nod, licking my lips. “What do you have in mind?”
“Trust me?”
The answer comes easily. “Yes. Not something I’m used to.”
“I know, but you’re safe here.” Deo grinds into me as he grins. “So tonight, just let it all go and trust that I’ve got you.”
Gazing into his eyes, I can imagine a future with him, as impossible as it is. Even if I figure out a way to deal with Vin that doesn’t end in my death, how could I build a life with Deo that wouldn’t drag him into that sordid world?
Deo brushes his fingers across my cheek, searching my eyes. “Is something on your mind?”
I shake my head. “I’m good.”
“You’re about to be a lot better. Come on.”
Deo slides off my lap and saunters to the bedroom, while I follow like a lovesick puppy. I don’t know what he has planned, but if it involves us getting naked together, I’m in.
Inside the bedroom, Deo turns to me and places his hands on my chest. “Why don’t you go freshen up? I have something quick to do.”
“You have me intrigued.”
“Good.” He playfully pushes me toward the bathroom door. “Give me a few minutes.”
“You got it.”
