Page 48 of Courting Trouble
‘I tend to savemyproblems for my therapist,’ Joanna told her.
‘Youhave a therapist!?’ Cassie exclaimed.
‘That’s a surprise?’
‘I guess I thought you were… done?’
Joanna looked stupefied. ‘Done?’
‘Yeah. Like… finished. Or something.’ Cassie realised how silly that sounded the second she’d finished saying it.
‘No one is ever finished,’ Joanna told her. ‘I’m sorry to have to tell you that.’
Cassie sighed. ‘Well. Fuck. Then what’s the point?’
‘To be better,’ Joanna shrugged.
‘That’s it? That’s as good as it gets?’
‘You were a professional tennis player. You can’t see the benefit of being a little better than you were yesterday? What that can add up to?’ Joanna asked her.
‘Seeing as my body broke and I can’t play professionally anymore, no. No, I can’t.’
Joanna nodded. ‘I take your point. But that didn’t happen to your mind, did it?Thatkeeps progressing.’
‘Doesn’t feel like it,’ Cassie said, aware that she sounded like a moody teenager right now.
‘I promise you, it does. Itis. Because you’re here. You haven’t given up.’
‘Then why am Ihere?’ Cassie asked once more.
Joanna paused. ‘I told you, I can’t…’
‘…Tell me. I have to figure it out for myself. Fine. You win. I’m going to figure it out.’ She paused. ‘Can you give me a hint?’
‘Why don’t we talk about Delilah?’ the therapist said gently.
Cassie rubbed the back of her neck. Her fingers were still chalky from the courts. ‘I don’t even know her properly. It’s been—what? A few weeks?’
‘But…’
Cassie shook her head. ‘But she gets under my skin. OK? I can’t stop thinking about her.’
Joanna raised an eyebrow. ‘In what way?’
‘In every way,’ Cassie admitted. ‘She’s…there. Unbelievably, terrifyingly there. And she looks at me like she’s… She just reallylooks, do you know what I mean? And I cried in her arms yesterday. Can you believe that?’
‘You want to let her in,’ Joanna said, and it wasn’t a question.
Cassie laughed. ‘I don’t think I do.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because… because it won’t work.’
‘Why?’
‘Because I’m done with that.’
