Page 161 of Becoming Us
The guys I went to school with used to comment on how hot she was. And anyone who knew about her past career would gush about how glamorous and fascinating her life seemed. I remember being a kid and loving the compliments that earned me. Before they turned bitter.
I wasn’t sure what Atty had taken away from last night. He’d definitely looked overwhelmed, but she’d been nothing if not welcoming. She hadn’t let a single slight slip out, and she’d literally built a shrine to me. I braced myself to explain everything, expecting him to think I was being overdramatic.
I was unsure of where to start. “She’s…”
“There’s something off about her,” he said quickly.
I stiffened in his arms, caught off guard.
“I’m sorry. That came out wrong. I didn’t mean?—”
“No, don’t stop.” I lifted from his arm, turning to face him, our heads resting on the same pillow. “What were you going to say?”
His eyes flicked between mine, searching. “You know I’m not great with people—never have been. Other kids weren’t exactlykind to me when I was little. Not until I outgrew everyone. Literally.”
His arm still lay draped across my waist. I traced slow, light patterns over his warm skin, waiting for him to continue.
“I used to try and figure out who the mean kids were before I ever let my guard down. I think I got pretty good at sensing it.”
My stomach tensed. My fingers stilled.
A small crease formed between his brows as his lips turned down, uncertain. “I don’t want to say something hurtful. She’s your mom, and I…”
“Say it,” I whispered, holding my breath.
Please say it. Please.
Atty licked his lips and met my gaze. “She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.”
My sore eyes instantly filled with tears of relief.
It’s not in my head. It’s not just me.
“I’m sorry if that’s?—”
I stopped his words with a gentle kiss.
Thank you.
“Don’t be sorry. Tell me what you felt, and then I’ll tell you everything. Okay?”
“She’s nice—sheseemednice. But it didn’t feel real. Like a hologram. And that room?” He shook his head. “What was that?”
“Okay.” I let out a shaky breath, forcing myself to go through with this. “I don’t think I even know how to have this conversation. I’ve done it before—more than a few times. As a kid, it got dismissed, and then again later, growing up. The last time was with Sam, and he was the first person who listened—who didn’t let me brush it off or make excuses.”
The guilt came, as it always did. That creeping, tangled feeling of self-doubt. But I pushed through it.
“I second-guess myself with her constantly because shecanbe nice. She can act like your best friend when she wants to. I told you—I didn’t have my parents around much when I was little. And I figured out early that she only acted that way if I played the part. If I didn’t, she turned into someone else entirely.”
Atty’s gaze didn’t waver. His eyes stayed sharp, locked on mine.
“I used to think she was just self-involved. Vain and young…that’s what my dad said. But there was this other side one no one else saw. The mom I got when it was just the two of us…” My voice faltered, the words catching in my throat.
“She wasn’t very nice,” Atty said for me.
I pressed my lips together and shook my head, holding back the emotion building in my chest. That was one way to put it.
“It’s like she can find exactly where to hurt you, you know? What’s going to scar the deepest.” My voice came out small, strained. I dragged a hand over my face.
