Page 197 of Becoming Us
And then he’d fucking shown up.
I’d been so wasted I hadn’t even recognized him at first.
All I’d caught was the echo of someone calling his name, and then those eyes—those perfect blue eyes—had been staring straight at me.
I’d wanted him. God, I’dwantedhim. All I had been able to think about was getting close again. Seeing that look in his eyes, just one more time. I’d have given him everything. He could’ve taken me, wrecked me, left me in pieces. I wouldn’t have cared.
When morning came, it brought with it the crashing realization that I had all but thrown myself at him—and he’d said no. He’d run away because he’d finally caught a glimpse of it. Ofme.
And it had sent him running for the hills.
And that was it.
I should’ve fucking let it go—let him go—but the impulse to shoot back those fucking pills and never wake up was so overwhelming, so all-consuming, that I held on.
And called.
And called.
And called.
Until he finally picked up.
“Hey,” I breathed, relief spilling into the silence.
“Hey.” His voice came through, low. Disappointed. I’d never heard it like that before.
You fucked up. What were you expecting? Just leave this poor guy alone. Walk away before you bring him down with you. You actually think you deserve him? Or anybody?
I shook my head. “Atty, I’m so sorry about last night.”
He didn’t say anything. My heart clenched painfully in my chest.
Please don’t give up on me. Not yet. Please.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry.”
“You know… It’s probably not my place to say anything about this,” he said. “But it really hurt seeing you like that.”
My stomach dropped. “I know it got a little out of hand?—”
“I’m guessing it usually gets a little out of hand,” he interrupted.
He knew. He fucking knew. How could I have been so fucking stupid?
“I shouldn’t have said what I did to you. I’m sorry about that.” I shook my head. No, that wasn’t right. That didn’t come out right.
“Consider it forgotten.” His voice could’ve been made of ice.
He was right. I knew he was. I was the one screwing up, just like I always did. And now he knew it.
I took a deep breath. “Are you mad at me?”
“I don’t get you, Noah,” he said quietly. “You’re so fucking confusing.”
Fuck.
“I know, I’m sorry. I know.” It was done. I was already hurting him. I thought I was being good this time. Not too much. Notsuffocating.
