Page 90 of Becoming Us
I bit my lip. “So we just…have sex? Now?”
He smiled and nodded.
“Doesn’t this feel a little clinical to you?”
“Sex doesn’t have to be like the movies. You and I—we don’t need movie sex. We need safe space sex,” he said, way too earnestly.
“Safe space sex. Wow. That sounds incredibly sexy.” Sarcasm dripped from my words.
Atty rolled his eyes, then pulled his shirt off in one smooth motion.
My gaze dropped—trailing down to his navel. “Okay. That’s definitely sexier.”
He laughed and cupped my jaw, eyes gentle. “Do you want this? Don’t think about the worry, the fear. Strip all of it away. Do you want this?”
I did. But fear curled tight in my stomach. What if this ruined everything again? What if this was the beginning of the end? I couldn’t lose him again. I wouldn’t survive it.
His thumb brushed over my cheek. “Safe space, remember?”
But it was him. It was Atty. And maybe I’d been wrong to say he was the only one scared—when it was clearly both of us. Still, if we were meant to hold each other through the fear, then yeah, it felt a little easier.
“Yes,” I said, exhaling hard. “I want to.”
Atty’s lips curved into a smile before he closed the space between us and pressed them to mine. He kissed me softly once, then again, his mouth lingering. My sweatshirt came off in one quick motion, breaking the kiss for only a second before he returned, his tongue swiping gently over my lips.
I crawled backward over the bed as he followed, sinking into the pillows behind me. He let his body drop over mine as wekissed like we had all the time in the world. Each one peeled away another layer of worry. Our shorts were next, tossed aside, leaving us exactly where we’d paused hours earlier.
He rested his forehead against mine, eyes still shut, his breath warm across my lips. “How do you want to do this?”
I frowned. We’d only ever done things one way, so the question caught me off guard. “With you on top?” It came out as a question, though I hadn’t meant it to.
He nodded and kissed my cheek, then the edge of my jaw. “Condoms?”
My hands skimmed over his back, holding him close. “Whatever you want. I’ve been tested recently—negative. So…whatever you want.”
He trailed soft kisses down my neck. Even there, they felt toe-curlingly good. “I’m negative too. But that wasn’t the question. I asked whatyouwanted.”
I bit the inside of my cheek.
“Tell me.” He nuzzled my jaw, brushing more kisses across my skin.
“Without?”
He nodded and kissed me again.
“One more thing,” he said against my lips.
Atty shifted, leaning on his elbow so he could see me clearly. “I need you to hear this now—I don’t want you to think it’s because of what we’re about to do. It’s always been true. Even when I was trying my hardest not to feel it. And because this thing between us is real, and I’m done living with one foot out the door.”
Each word sent my heart thudding harder, wild with hope. I knew what was coming, but nothing could’ve prepared me for the weight of it.
His blue eyes locked onto mine, unwavering. “I love you, Noah.”
My eyelids fluttered closed as his forehead pressed to mine. I held on to the moment, desperate to savor it, to not fall apart. Because he fucking loved me. Still. And that waseverything.
“I love you,” he whispered again against my cheek.
The first tear slipped out, and there was no stopping the flood that followed. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him, never wanting to let go. My throat felt sealed shut, but in my head, the words kept playing over and over, hoping he could feel them in the way I clung to him.
