Page 22 of Winging it with My Ex
He shakes his head. “No. I didn’t. I was too ashamed. My dad was an alcoholic. He went through periods where he had it under control, and then he’d relapse. I was working two jobs in high school?—”
“For college.” That’s what he’d told me. Until then, he’d concentrated on hockey mostly because he wanted to make it to the pros. During the summer between our junior and senior year, he’d?—
“To pay the mortgage. Dad lost his job because he was drinking. My mom did everything she could to keep the house, but it wasn’t enough. Between the mortgage and rehab, we were barely making it. It’s only because of the ladies at Mom’s church that we even had food on the table.”
I feel gut-punched. He was going through all of that, and he never told me? “Why wouldn’t you tell me that? Jett, I would’ve helped. I’d have?—”
“Wanted to fix it, but you couldn’t.” He rakes his hand through his hair and pushes off the doorframe. His mouth opens and closes a few times. “I didn’t want anyone to know, especially you. Mom didn’t either. We were embarrassed. This is a small town. I was trying to get into the pros.” He heaves a sigh. “I went to Canada because the Tigers offered me enough of a bonus that I was able to get Dad into a long-term rehab facility.”
He chews his lip.
The way he’s looking at me, it feels like maybe we’ve both had the wind knocked out of us.
“Why didn’t you just say all this when you first got back? All this drama could have been avoided.”
His eyebrows draw together. “There’s so much pity in your eyes I could drown in it. I never wanted that. I didn’t want anyone to feel sorry for me.” He shrugs. “By the time I grew up enough to realize I should’ve done things differently, so much time had passed. Plus, after Dad died, I didn’t handle things well. I drank too much, and it scared me.”
A big breath, and his shoulders round. “I put myself in rehab for six months. I don’t touch any of it now. Not casually. Not socially. Nothing.” He exhales hard, like he’s just handed me the last piece of who he is. “Then I got the offer from the Bobcats, and it felt like a sign.”
“Again, you could have told me all of this?—”
“I wanted to, but you were still so angry with me. Would you have even heard me?”
It feels like a backhanded slap. Because he’s not wrong. I probably wouldn’t have heard him or even cared—back then, I was so busy holding onto my hurt, I didn’t leave room for anything else.
I’d been waiting for him to come back, not to make things right, but so I could make him pay.
Jett’s hands are at his sides. His face has this serene look, like all his fight is gone. Like he’s laid everything bare.
“Hadley,” he says, quiet but sure. “I love you. I’ve never stopped.”
The words hit harder than I expect.
And for the first time since he last uttered those three words, I don’t know what to do with them.
I just know that I can’t process any more right now.
Jett sighs, and when he speaks again, it’s barely above a whisper. “I know I’ve blown it all the way up this time. That there’s no coming back…” He takes in a shaky breath. “Justknow that I love you. That I’ll always love you.” He doesn’t even let me respond. He turns, and I watch him leave.
That gutted feeling returns. It’s worse than high school.
I’m angry. So angry. Probably because I’ll always love him too.
***
Vivi is waiting for me when I get out of work the next Monday. I’ve successfully avoided her for a week and a half since Jett confessed everything. I’m almost going through best friend withdrawals.
Was I mad? Yeah. I had a right to be.
Mostly, though, I needed to think without interference.
Learning about Jett’s dad. How Jett had worked two jobs to keep his home and his dad in rehab. The real reason why he left me…
As hurt as I was, his explanation made more sense than anything I could have ever scripted.
Jett was always strong. Always the guy people could lean on. He was a Redwood. I just wish he had let me be there for him too. I understood why he didn’t, though.
I tend to want to fix things. Almost obnoxiously so. There was no way I could have fixed the thing with his dad, and teenage me would have tried. Adult me knows better.
