Page 51 of Road Trip to Forever
I thought I knew Lola better than anyone, but when I look at her, when Ireallylook at her, I see the pinched grin. The dimness on her face, like she's been going through life with no one by her side. Tired and exhausted, carrying burdens and fighting demons alone.
“I am. I’m scared to even say it because I’m afraid of losing someone like I lost my dad. For years, I’ve been adamant about not wanting to be with someone and avoiding relationships, but something in my life isn’t right.”
“Does it feel like there’s a hole in your heart that you can’t patch?” I ask.
Her eyes meet mine, sadness behind the blue. “You feel it too.”
“Yeah.” I nod. “I do.”
“I think I’m ready to give relationships another chance. Dip my toes back into the dating pool. That fear of being left is still there. I don’t think it will ever fully go away. But that’s life, isn’t it? Being scared and terrified and doing it anyway. I don’t want to have any regrets, and now I’m a little braver. A little more open-minded. I know my worth, and it’s so much more substantial than an asshole who breaks up with their girlfriend at their father’s funeral.”
A burning flare of heat blazes through me, alighting every nerve ending.
I sit up in my chair, a newfound sense of purpose to my movements. She wants to try relationships again?
Talk about timing.
Fate.
“That’s a big step for you, Lo.” I slip my hand into hers. Squeeze her palm tight and keep our fingers intertwined. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“It’s great until I worry about the possibility of someone not accepting these pieces of me, the shrapnel and broken parts. Is there really a person out there who is patient enough to put up with how I operate? Who doesn’t mind that I take a pill to focus and understands I need a little extra time to complete things? Is there someone out there who will accept me, just as I am? Or will they be afraid of what they find and leave?”
“I don’t think you need to worry about that,” I say, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and staring into her eyes. The blue sparkles, shimmers, a technicolor rainbow.
“Why not?”
“We have our marriage pact to fall back on. I promise to never break up with you at a funeral, and to always own a bed frame.”
A laugh falls from her lips, a delightfully marvelous sound. It’s much better than seeing her sad. “You remember the marriage pact?”
“Of course I do. You got glitter all over my GameBoy and the treehouse. It was a mess in there for weeks.”
“It wasn’t like I dumped a vial of glitter everywhere, Patrick. It was from my dance costume.”
“The role of Clara. I remember.”
“That tutu was incredible, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I nod in agreement, thinking about that night. “It sure was.”
“Isaac has a girlfriend,” I say, “but he doesn’t seem to like her very much.” I throw a baseball at the ceiling of the treehouse and catch it in my hand.
“Ew.” Lola wrinkles her nose and sits on the floor. She’s been moving for the last thirty minutes and practicing her dance moves for her upcoming recital, nothing more than a blur of limbs. “I never want a boyfriend.”
I stop tossing the ball and prop up on my elbow to look at her. “What about when we’re older and supposed to get married to someone?” I ask.
“Then I’ll just be alone. People weird me out.”
“What about me? Do I weird you out?”
She shakes her head. “No way. You’re my favorite person in the world.”
“You’re my favorite person in the world too.”
“More than Jimmy?”
“Jimmy can be mean sometimes. He teases the kids in school who need more time to do their tests.”
