Page 70 of Road Trip to Forever
Speaking, having any of those conversations, will pull us out of this moment. This precious moment of being in a place so grand and so beautiful, with the person I care about more than anything in the world.
I want to enjoy it a little while longer.
Forever, if I can.
* * *
“What about that one?”I ask, pointing up to the night sky.
“Ursa Major,” Patrick says. He takes my hand and guides me through the shape of the constellation. “There’s the Big Dipper.”
“I’ve never seen so many stars before. Where do they all hide?”
“Away from the city. They’re much easier to see with no light pollution.” He moves my hand up, his thumb caressing over my knuckles. “That’s Polaris, the North Star.”
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.
“Yeah,” he says. “It is.”
I turn my head and find Patrick looking at me, his face painted in silvers and grays from the full moon. Hooded eyes traverse over my face, from my forehead down to my chin, and his smile grows wider and wider the longer he stares at me.
He’s not talking about the stars.
I’m not sure I am either at this point because he burns brighter and hotter than any of the celestial bodies, thousands of little lights twinkling and flickering above us.
I make a wish on one, a hope and a prayer that we can stay like this forever, a perfect moment suspended in time. Just us, side by side, like we’ve always been. Patrick and Lola, the best of friends, both ready to take that step to somethingmore, something as beautiful and vast as the constellations above.
“Did you have a good day?” I ask him.
“The best day.” He flexes his palm over the back of my hand and loops his fingers around mine. “The s’mores were the icing on the cake.”
“You and your burnt marshmallows.” I stick out my tongue. “Disgusting.”
“You’re the heathen who eats them uncooked. What’s the point?”
“The point is texture, Patrick.” I prop up on my elbow and look down at him. “Can I ask you a question? I’ve been thinking about it for the last week or so.”
“This wide-open space might as well be our own truth or truth game.” He drops our hands and puts his arms behind his head, staring at the heavens above. “Ask away.”
“It’s personal. I know we share everything with each other, but this might be something you want to keep to yourself.”
“Doesn’t change my answer. You know I’ll tell you anything.”
“You and Jessica looked happy together. She was perfect for you. I know you only dated for a few weeks, but did you love her?”
“I loved her as a person, but I knew right away I could never be in love with her. There’s a big difference between the two when it comes to relationships. She could tell I wasn’t all in. It wasn’t intentional or mean, I just wasn’t present. Not in the way a partner should be.”
“You could never be mean,” I say.
“That’s one of my flaws. I’m too nice. I’m afraid to let people down or hurt someone, and I dragged out my time with Jessica for weeks too long. I should’ve let her go earlier. I should’ve never asked her out in the first place. It would’ve made her happier instead of giving her false hope.”
“I didn’t think there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone until my last relationship. That’s when I learned you could care for someone deeply without being out of your mind for them.”
“That was Simon, right? The fucker whose nose I broke?”
“His name was Steven, but close.”
“It’s been eleven years. Cut me some slack.”
