Page 90 of Road Trip to Forever
This changes everything.
No more secret pining or wistful looks when she’s not paying attention. I could touch her when I want. Invite her to spend the night in my bed and cook her breakfast every morning. Wash her hair and help her keep chasing after her dreams in whatever way I can.
And I couldkissher, like I’ve dreamed about doing for years. Unabashedly and repeatedly. Not on accident, but with intent and purpose.
“Can I tell you a secret?” I start. My thumb and finger tilt Lola’s chin to look up at me and she nods. “I’ve been out of my mind mental about you for years.”
She frowns, sits up, and stares at me with so much intensity, I think I’ve said something wrong.
“Years?” she repeats, drawing out the word. “How long?”
“Since we were thirteen, give or take a couple months.”
“And you never—we never—years?”
I can’t help but chuckle at her surprise. I guess I wasn’t as obvious as the guys thought.
“No, I never. And no, we never. You never showed any interest in me romantically, so I tucked the crush away and dated other people. I chalked it up to something that would fade over time when we drifted apart… Except we didn’t drift apart, we only got closer. It threw a wrench in my plan. Then your dad passed, and relationships became a no-go for you. There were some days I was afraid of losing you as a friend because you were so sad, and I didn’t dare make it known I thought about what more than friends might be like.
“But we had established a line, and I wasn’t going to cross it. Not with flirting or an attempted one-night stand. I hid it from you, and as much as I’ve tried to play off how I feel as just being a crush, I’ve realized in the last six months it’s much, much deeper than that.”
“I didn’t… I didn’t realize,” she says softly. “Clearly I didn’t realize. I’m not sure I would have reciprocated anything a year or two ago, but that’s changed on my end. I… Idohave a romantic interest in you, Patrick.”
“It’s okay that you didn’t realize. I wasn’t exactly standing outside your window with a big sign that said KISS ME, LOLA on it.”
“I was with the girls a couple of weeks ago and I told them about the night at your place when we were eating pizza on the couch. I thought you were going to kiss me then, and they told me it was obvious how you felt… See? This is why I’m hesitant to date. I’m already messing up.”
“No, no, no. You’re not messing up. This is on me, Lola. I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship over something that was one-sided. It’s probably a good thing you didn’t realize. I’d never want to make you feel uncomfortable or like you were forced to have feelings for me.”
“But now? Something’s also changed on your end,” she says. “I can tell something’s changed. You’re acting different. More… more determined.”
“Because now when I look at you, I see you looking at me,seeingme. So I decided to go all in and try to show you without saying it outright. I think about you, and lately I can see that you’re thinking about me, too.”
“I do think about you. I think about you a lot, Patrick. I’ve expected these feelings and emotions to feel wrong or… or funny and out of place because it’syoutouching me, but they haven’t. What I feel for you is real and it’s strong and it’sright. I might be shit at it, but I want us to do life together. To try, as more than friends. As two people who care deeply about each other, like we always have, but with the added physical components too.”
“Look at you with the relationship talk. You’re a pro, Lola Jones.” I lean forward and kiss her forehead, letting my lips linger on her warm skin because Ican,andthen I do it again. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow is another long day, then the events with the fashion show kicks off. You need your rest.”
“Why did you and Jessica break up?” Lola’s question is deafening in the quiet room. My gaze meets hers. She knows the answer without me having to verbalize it, but she deserves to hear the truth.
“Because she isn’t you. None of the women I’ve dated are you, and I realized that letting someone else make me happy was a Band-Aid, a temporary distraction from the fact I’ve lived with for over half my life: you’ve always had a piece of me, Lola, and no one else will ever be able to compare. It wasn’t fair to keep dating Jessica—or anyone—when in the back of my mind, I’d always wonder what it would be like if you were mine. You were my end game.”
She wrings her hands together and leans back against the pillows. “Thank you for telling me.”
“I’ve known how I feel about you for a while now, but I also know this is new for you. I want us to take this slow. You’re not playing catch-up, and there’s no rush to get to where I am, okay? We’re taking this one day at a time.”
“And… and on the off chance something goes wrong? What happens then?”
“We’re friends first. Always. No matter what, I’m going to be by your side. If we try to be in a relationship and it fails, I’m not going to walk away from you. I promise. We’ll figure out a way to navigate friendship on the other side.”
Lola’s bottom lip trembles. She nods and touches my cheek. “Okay. I trust you, Patrick. Friends first, always. But I want to give this a chance. I think what we have could be great.”
“I think so too.” I kiss her forehead again, her cheek, her chin. She grabs the collar of my shirt and pulls me close. I can smell her toothpaste, and there’s a tiny crumb of chocolate pie left behind in the corner of her mouth.
“Then why haven’t you kissed me yet?” she asks.
“Remember what I told you, Lo? Hollywood-level. Having patience is all part of the plan.”
“The plan?”
