Page 61 of O Goalie Night
I turn to face my brother who’s followed me off the ice. Beth gives me a questioning look and I nod at her. She squeezes my arm before returning to keep Amelia company while she waits for her dad.
Her dad. Cody is a dad.
My brother stands a few feet in front of me looking torn.
“I don’t know what to say,” he admits.
“That makes two of us.” What do you say to the man who disappeared from your life a decade ago without looking back?
“Look, Foster, I know a lot has happened, but this isn’t how I wanted the family reunion to go, believe me. I mean, Christ, it’s been ten years.”
Does he think I don’t know how long it’s been?
“Who’s fault is that?” The acid of my tone burns on my tongue.
His shoulders sag and I know that my words hit their mark. “Mine. It’s my fault.”
“Daddy!” Amelia calls. “You can get his autograph later. I wanna skate!”
I can’t help but laugh without humour at the idea of my brother wanting my autograph.
“I’ll be right there, Sweetie.” He sighs, looking up at me. “I have to go. Can I…would it be okay if I reached out sometime? There are a lot of things I want to tell you.”
My head aches and I clench my fists to keep from screaming.
“I’m not the one who changed my number.” I glare at him. “But yeah, sure. Give me a call.”
“Okay. Thanks. I’ll talk to you soon…little brother.”
My throat stings as he walks away from me. I haven’t been anyone’s little brother in a long time and I feel like my chest is going to cave from the sudden grief.
Beth joins me on the bench and we change out of our skates quickly. We don’t speak as I lead her through the back hallways of the rink to the rear exit.
My hands grip the steering wheel, my eyes focusing on the road ahead as light snowflakes drift lazily down from the sky. The windshield wipers flick back and forth as the highway stretches out before us, a ribbon of asphalt dusted with white. The hum of the tires against the cold pavement provides a steady rhythm to my scattered thoughts.
I turn the heat off entirely. I want to be cold. To be numb. Despite everything that just happened, I feel a sense of calm driving through this quiet, snowy world. I feel in control, if only of this car.
“Are you okay?”
I’ve been so absorbed by thoughts of Cody, I almost forgot Beth was here. We’ve driven almost the entire trip in silence.
“Not really.” It’s the truth.
“That’s okay.” Her tone is soft as she rests a warm hand on my knee. “It’s okay to not be okay.”
A new thought occurs to me. I have a niece, and Beth knows her better than I do. I feel angry. Not towards Beth of course, but at Cody. It’s his fault. How could he not tell me he had a child?
“What’s she like?”
Beth frowns at me. “Amelia?”
Hearing my mother’s name hurts more than it should. I simply nod.
“Well, I’ve only taught her for a few weeks.” The corners of her mouth turn up. “You know, as an educator I’m not supposed to have favourites, but if I did, she would be one of them. She’s very kind towards all of her classmates. She has a wonderful sense of humour, but finds it hard to reign it in sometimes. She’s very strong inmath, so much so that she seems almost bored during lessons.”
I shake my head slowly. Unbelievable.
“What?”
