Page 62 of O Goalie Night
“You just described my brother.” I clear my throat, gripping the steering wheel. “He was great at math and he hated it. Thought it made him a nerd.”
Cody was a gifted student. His grades were excellent, despite him putting in very little effort. He even won a scholarship to Waterloo, but didn’t take it saying university wasn’t for him.
“What happened between you two?” Beth asks hesitantly.
I blow out a breath as I pull into my driveway and park the car. I don’t want to have this conversation, but if I have to talk to anyone, it might as well be Beth.
“It wasn’t one big fight; more like a gradual falling out. I moved away for hockey at fifteen. We talked a lot at first, but over time he got more and more distant. I came home for the summer that first year and he was hanging around with new guys he’d met at work. I was still training everyday of the off season and all he wanted to do was drink or get high. We grew apart. My mom had told me it was just a phase that he’d grow out of and to focus on hockey. So I did.”
“I went back to my junior team in Quebec in September.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “My grandfather died the next month. When I came home from the funeral, Cody wouldn’t even talk to me. Acted like it was my fault. Again, my mom just said to give it time. Focus on hockey. I didn’t know at that point that she was sick.”
Beth puts a gentle hand on my leg, and the wordscontinue to tumble out of me. “She was gone a year later. I kept trying to talk to Cody, but there was this wall between us. Anytime I brought up Mom or Gramps, he’d get angry, so I stopped trying. It was okay, for a while. We fell into this routine of talking to each other as long as it wasn’t about anything that mattered. I invited him to come visit me for his birthday. When we went to a bar with a few of my teammates, he just kind of lost it. Got really drunk really fucking fast. And angry. Wound up punching a guy at the bar and then tried to fight one of the bouncers. I had to bail him out of jail.”
I’d never felt so hopeless. I was only twenty; I didn’t know how to take care of myself, let alone someone else. “My coach got wind of what happened and he wasn’t happy. Sat me down and gave me a long talk about addiction. When I told Cody that I think he should get some help, he told me he hated me and never wanted to see my face again. And until today, he got his wish.”
“I’m so sorry.”
I look up to find tears streaking down Beth’s beautiful face.
“It’s okay, really.”
“It’s not,” she insists.
“Okay. It’s not. I just never expected to run into him like that. He looks so…different. Says he wants to talk.”
“Do you want to talk to him?”
“I don’t know what I want.” My jaw aches from clenching my teeth. “I want the last ten years of my life back.”
She squeezes my hand in hers. “You can’t get the time you lost with him back, but you might get the next ten years.”
I don’t know what I’m going to do, but one thing I do know is that I’m grateful Beth’s here with me.
“You may be right. You’re very smart.” I raise her hand to my face and kiss the back of it. “And so attractive.”
She laughs and tries to pull her hand away, but I hold it tight. “I don’t want to talk about my brother anymore. I want to talk about you and me.”
Her mouth forms a little “o” making me want to kiss it. “You and me?
“Yeah.” I search her eyes before just going for it. “I like you, Beth. So much. I think you like me, too.”
“So much.”
That statement alone is enough to mend the fractured heart in my chest.
I push a stray lock of hair off of her forehead and say, “Good. So…do you want to date me?”
“Like, out loud?”
I burst into laughter and she swats me on the arm. I adore this woman and I don’t want to fight it anymore.
“I wasn’t going to alert the team publicist or anything. I don’t want to keep this a secret, but we can take it slowly and tell people, if and when you want to.”
“I want to,” she insists, pushing the hair back from her face. “I think quiet is a good idea, for now, at least. Especially until we get Ben used to the idea.”
Knowing her brother, that could take a while. Ben has made it clear that he does not want any of his teammates pursuing his sister. Given how much stress his current relationship woes are causing him, now is not the time to tell him. We’re better off to ask forgiveness than permission.
“So, we’ll date quietly.” I smile at her as I lean across the seat. I stroke her cheek, tilting her face up.
