Page 58 of Love, Magic and Misfortune
“Well, I’m a rat, for one. And two, the change itself is gruesome to watch. She only half-watched the transition once and it traumatized her. It’s not bibbity-bobbity andpoof, a puff of smoke later I turn into a rat.”
“What actually happens?”
“The magic…” Jasper paused, sliding his fingers across his scalp and mussing his hair. “The curse is such that my body shrinks down and contorts at the same time. The entire process lasts about an hour. The first thirty minutes are slow and innocuous—I get that spidery feeling in my veins and little things happen. Some fuzzy hairs over my skin and my eyes change. The last thirty minutes are the worst and most painful. That’s when my body fully shifts. When I was little, Dad always sat with me through the transition. He… He’d hold me and rock with me through the pain. Sometimes he cried, too. But he never screamed. He wasn’t afraid.”
“Your dad was so supportive. It’s wonderful.”
Jasper nodded. “He was. I wish he could have had a better life, you know? I think Mom was right. They should have left me sooner and lived their own lives. Enjoyed themselves.”
“No.” Violet shook her head. “Knowing the kind of person your father was, he wouldn’t have been able to do that. You’re his only son and he wanted to make sure you were okay. He probably blamed himself—maybe even wished it was him and not you. But it’s not his fault or yours, Jasper. It’s just the curse.”
“I don’t know. Maybe if I had been less selfish and pushed him away, he’d still be alive now? Maybe he wouldn’t have spent so much time worrying and stressed. Even if I couldn’t see him, knowing he was still here,somewhere—”
“If you pushed him away, you would have made it worse, because then he would have been worried about youandheartbroken. Again, it’s not your fault. The time you spent with your dad… it’s priceless, Jas. All my memories with Gram are what help me through the pain of losing her—knowing we at least had that time together. Of all the people she could have loved and spent time with, she chose me. In the same way, your dad chose you. Over and over.”
Jasper stared down into his coffee. Violet wasn’t sure if her words were getting through to him—through the thick wall of guilt and insecurity set firm within his mind.
“And…” Violet began, cautious as she watched him. “Maybe you don’t need to hide yourself so strictly? Being around other people won’t automatically bring them misfortune. Do you know for certain if that’s part of the curse?”
“Well, eventually, I’ll lose all of my humanity and be a rat permanently, so I figure the fewer people I interact with, the better.”
“Wait—how?”
“I already told you. The older I get, the longer I stay in rat form. When I was ten, it lasted for three hours a day. Now, I’m at twelve hours—literally half the day I’m a rat. Well, technically all night, since the change starts around five in the evening. By the time I’m in my mid-forties, I’ll be a rat full-time. Until something catches and kills me.”
Sitting back against the couch, Violet’s heart sank.No…The lump reformed in her throat, her chest heavy and her face flushed with stress. She shook her head in refusal.
Jasper pointed at her, his eyebrow raised. “See? That’s why you shouldn’t be here wasting your time. Look at your face.”
“Jasper, this isn’t funny,” Violet spat, swiping away the renegade teardrops forming at the corners of her eyes.
“I’m not suggesting that it is,” he said, his words contradicted by a weak grin. “But I’m the very last male Laurent in existence. So at least this curse ends with me. Nobody else needs to suffer.”
Taking a breath to calm her emotions, Violet steeled herself to ask the obvious question. “There’s nothing that can break this?Nothingcan help?”
“Nope—” He tilted his head, considering. “Well…”
“Well what?”
“It’s not a matter of breaking it but… Whenever Dad was home with me, my mind was always sharper when I turned. When I’m a rat, I experience something like… rat-brain? Where I lose consciousness of my humanity. After Dad left with Mom, rat-brain became harder to fight off. I still did it though, a little. Gloria’s visiting once a week helped some, too.”
“So, when you’re a mouse—”
“Violet.”
“Nope. We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this point. Anyway, when you change, you still think like a person?”
“Sometimes.”
“That night I came into the house, you recognized me, right? Even though you were a mouse.”
“Yes. But my view of you wasn’t sharp. Think of it like looking through a foggy car window. I know your smell, too, so those things helped me to discern you through the haze of rat-brain.”
Distracted, Violet smirked. “What is my smell, exactly? Is it good?”
“That’s… Can we not focus on that right now, please?”
Violet huffed, folding her arms and sitting back. “Fine.”When his dad was around, Jasper’s mind was sharper. When he was left alone, he was more mousey…As she considered, the answer became crystal clear. “Jasper, youneedto be around more people.”
