Page 59 of Love, Magic and Misfortune
He stared blankly. “Have you not been listening to me at all?”
“I don’t think you’re listening to yourself. You basically just told me that when you’re interacting with people, you’re less mouselike when you change. Don’t you think that’s significant?”
He paused, shifting his oversized gray eyes away in contemplation. “I don’t think that matters. Even if my mind is sharper as a rat, I’m still a rat, Violet. Nothing will change that.”
“Alright, okay. But what if… I don’t know, you tried to enjoy your life, while you have it? Indulge in your humanity while it exists.”
“What does that mean? What would I do?”
Violet inhaled and exhaled a deep breath, thinking. “Well, that’s for you to decide. But you’ve been hiding yourself away for the past fifteen years. You don’t have to do that, Jas. Nobody is imprisoning you here. And you already know your time as a human is limited, so why not try something different for the next fifteen years or so?”
Jasper put his coffee cup down and stood, stretching his arms as he walked toward the fireplace. He stared into the low-burning flame, not saying a word.
“Is this a terrible idea?” Violet prompted.
“No, it isn’t. But I can’t go on a world tour because the transition itself is hard on me. I’ve only changed in my own house, so I don’t feel comfortable doing it anywhere else—like in a hotel or on an airplane. That would be an absolute nightmare. I also don’t sleep when I’m a rat, so I need to sleep during the day. My window of alertness and good health as a human is honestly very short—and getting shorter.”
“Why don’t you sleep at night?”
He turned, facing her. “Rats are nocturnal. Of course, I’m capable of sleeping at night. I did when Dad was home with me. Everything was better then. But I like to be alert and aware when I’m vulnerable. Perfect example—the other night, a giant outside rat somehow got into the house. I spent the entire night running and fighting with that evil thing. When I changed back, it took me the entire next day to find him and put him outside. So again, no sleep. I ended up passing out on the kitchen floor. I couldn’t even go upstairs to transition like I usually do. I was too exhausted.”
“The scratches on your face…”
“From fighting with a stupid rat that was much bigger than me.”
“Yes, bigger because you’re amouse, and I’m pretty sure a cat got to it. Jasper… is—is that what I saw that day in the kitchen? The day I fell and hit my head?”
It was a tiny, almost imperceptible shift, but his entire body went rigid. He took a small step back and closer to the fireplace. He didn’t say anything.
“Jasper?”
“I don’t know what you saw.”
“Don’t do that.” Violet shook her head. “It’s just a yes-no question.”
“Can we forget about that? You shouldn’t… I don’t want you to think about that anymore. Let’s not talk about it.”
“Alright, but it’s a major part of you and everything else we’re talking—”
“Please.”
Violet nodded. “Okay.” Hard boundary. But she understood. Lots of trauma there. “What are you doing this coming Sunday?” she asked, trying to shake off the sudden tension between them.
“What am I doing?” he said, his eyebrow raised.
“Do you plan on having epic rat battles in here, or would you maybe like to accompany me out to Poppy Bridge?”
“It’s too soon to joke about. Why are you going out there?”
“I’m thinking of a new project to paint. I want to see it in winter so I can sketch it. I don’t think I ever have.”
“You’re painting again? That’s lovely.”
“Yeah, thanks.”
“I think a walk would be nice.”
“Great.” Violet smiled. “You can meet me at Gram’s house Saturday morning? It’s not travelling the world, but it’s a start.”
