Page 79 of Love, Magic and Misfortune
“But you don’t know the worst of it. If people knew, they wouldn’t be anywhere near me.”
Sitting straight, Violet watched him with her arms still folded.Thisagain. Always this. His mother and her cruel, emotionally abusive reaction toward him that he validated in his mind. He almost seemed to protect it, as if the pain of it were an important thing that he always needed to remember and reference. To keep himself in check in case he ever felt too free or too happy. The more Violet recognized it, she hated it.
She kept her gaze even, serious. “Show me the worst of it then. Let me see.”
He froze. When he lifted his face, his expression was equally serious. “No.”
“Ihave a date next weekend.” René walked into the kitchen, cooing in his deep singsong voice. But he stopped dead, one eyebrow raised. “Am I interrupting something?”
34
Now
Knowing Jasper’s human time was winding down, Violet insisted to Simone that she and Jasper would handle the cleaning duties. It was a small battle, but thirty minutes later, she saw Simone and René out the front door with the promise that they would do this again very soon.
When Violet walked into the nearly spotless kitchen, Jasper was leaning with his sleeves still rolled up and his hands flat against the counter.
“Do you need to see and knoweverything?” he asked, distress in his eyes.
Violet took a few steps forward, stopping at the end of the kitchen table. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means you know a lot already—more than anyoneaside from my mother and father. You know I’m cursed, and you know the truth about my family history. You’ve seen me as arat. Isn’t that enough? I don’t ask to see everything of you. I don’t ask you if I can come in the bathroom when you pee.”
Setting her shoulders, Violet took a breath. “Well, I think that’s a little different because I’m not traumatized over peeing. No one has ever emotionally abused me because of my peeing—”
“My mother didn’t abuse me.”
“Oh, she absolutely did.”
“No, Violet—her reaction was natural. It was expected—”
“It wasn’t, Jasper. She was wrong.”
He shook his head, his eyes bewildered. “Y-You have no idea what it’s like. How horrible it is.”
“Then show me.”
He ran his hand up into his hair, his chest heaving. “I won’t.Never.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not going to do that to you. I don’t want you to be disturbed by that.”
“But maybe I won’t be?” Violet said, calm. “Can you trust me enough to try?”
His face twisted as he drew back, shaking his head in refusal. “Thisisn’tabout trust. Don’t flip this into something it’s not.”
Sensing the rise in his temper, Violet held her palms up, conceding. “Okay, okay, I understand. I don’t want you to feel pressured about this. I… If I see something that’s hurting my friend—profoundly—and it keeps revealing itself in ways that makes my heart ache for you, I want to help, alright? But this doesn’t need to be a fight, Jas. We’re good. And if you want to watch me pee, if that’s your thing, we can talk about it. I’m open.”
“It’snot.” He shook his head, his face softening and breaking into an incredulous smile despite himself. “I don’t need that.”
“I mean, I’m not completely opposed to it. That’s all. I’m here for you.”
“You’re insane.” He rubbed his palms against his face, the stress melting as he laughed.
“Are you shifting here and sleeping on my pillow tonight? My forehead is cold now when you’re not here. I never thought my forehead would feel lonely at night.”
He dropped his hands from his face and shook his head. “No… I think I’ll go home tonight. But I’ll help you finish cleaning.”
