Page 77 of The Awakening
Ididtouch him. We spent a couple nights together. He offered his blood, so I fed from him because I was in dire need of a decent feeding at that point. His blood tasted like a zesty, creamy smoothie. It was so good it scared the shit out of me. I was only in Morocco for a week, but he got clingy fast. I ended it. I hurt him. He didn’t understand it, and I could see why.
When you find that strong connection in our culture, conventional wisdom says you don’t run away from it. You cling to it. Youbondwith it. Like I said, though, that’s just never been what I wanted… until now? Maybe?
“Jae snuck up on me. He wasn’t supposed to be a vampire.”
Asao laughs at this and shakes his head. “He got you with your guard down. Le petit sneaky doctor.”
I laugh because the ridiculous nickname is getting longer. Jae isn’t even French. “He didn’t trick me on purpose.”
“Still. You haven’t ditched him.”
“Because he’sdifferent. He’s a vampire with a human mindset. He’s not stuffy and uptight—over-concerned with bloodlines and ranking.”
Asao nods. “That’s true.”
“And he doesn’t make demands of me or constantly talk about bonding. He takes care of lower-ranked vampires and their health. I admire that quality in people. I’ve been living with him for over a month in myhome. Asao, I never could have imagined this a few months ago—that I would let another person live with me. And I still don’t feel oppressively chained to him, you know? I feel free, but I also have this intelligent and delicious creature flittering around my house. Like icing on a cake.” Dammit. Desserts again.
“You’re not bonded with him now though,” Asao says. “You think it’ll change if you do? Will the oppression set in?”
I frown. “I don’t know. That’s why I said I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready—maybe I am?Shit…I want him though. In my house. It’s nice. Comfortable.”
“Like a pet?”
“No—Why are you stirring the pot?”
“I’m not.” Asao shrugs. “I’m helping you clarify your feelings. Getting down to the nitty gritty.”
I smirk, picking up my beer again. “You’re so old. ‘Nitty gritty.’ Who says that shit?”
“Shut up. You’re in love with Jae.”
I take a long sip of my beer. “Love is a big word. Heavy.”
“You’re not ready.” Asao sits back, his arms folded. “I’ll give you a tip. When you can admit that much, you’re ready.”
I lift my chin. “What aboutyou? How long are you going to play old-man footsies with the yakitori lady down the street?”
Asao points, smiling. “Oi—that’s grown folks’ business.”
“Dios mío. The hypocrisy.” I’m rolling my eyes when my phone buzzes against the booth bench. I reach down and flip it over to quickly read the incoming texts, all from Ren.
[How long do you plan to do this!? Are you trying to prove a point??]
[You’re acting like a damn child!]
[Get your ass over here NOW. Enough Violet. Don’t starve yourself to spite me.]
[My conscious is too delicate to carry that weight.]
“Who’s blowing up your phone?” Asao asks. “Is it Haruka? Is Jae awake?”
“No,” I say, flipping the phone back over without answering. “It’s Ren. Making demands and being oppressive.”
* * *
Wednesday morning,I’m getting ready to head to the studio when my phone buzzes against the kitchen counter. I’m still ignoring Ren’s bitchy text messages and the entire circumstance of ending things with him. I pick up my phone anyway and read the screen. It’s Haruka.
[Jae is stirring.]
