Page 85 of The Awakening
He opens his mouth in a gasp and I attack, licking into him and sliding our tongues together. He groans, exhales, and he’s with me now, falling into our unique rhythm and moving his chin against mine. His hands are fisting my sweater at my waist like he’s melting into me, or maybe we’re melting into each other.
I’m getting swept away to where I can’t tell where his mouth starts and mine ends, so I pull up. The back of his head is gripped in my palm and his eyes are clenched shut like he’s in pain. I’m about to ask if he’s okay, but his eyes open and my breath catches.
They’re alighted in the most incredible shade of blue. Cobalt blue—lush and compelling. Like the sky over Santorini and the Aegean Sea, when you’re genuinely not sure which is reflecting which.
He clenches his eyes shut again and tears stream from the inside corners. I don’t know if it’s because his eyes have alighted for the first time (and it truly does burn the first few times), because our emotions are running high or a likely combination of the two.
“Jae—”
He pulls away from my grasp, shaking his head. “Sorry—I need to pack up.”
I reach out for him, to grab his wrist, step into his path again and wrap my arms around his shoulders. When he’s secure in my arms, I say, “You don’t need to pack right now. Just sit with me, alright? And don’t leave tonight. At least stay until tomorrow and talk to me—abouteverything. If you’re angry, if you’re sad… if you think I’m being stupid and this is bullshit. Don’t hold it in.Tellme.”
It takes a minute, but slowly, he brings his arms up to my waist and wraps them around.
He’s crying, silently, into my sweater as I hold him. It’s good. I’d rather he do this here, with me, and then we talk openly as opposed to him being alone in his room—packing and pretending like everything is fine. That shit breeds bitterness and resentment. I want this separation to be healthy for us. Not a launch pad for toxicity.
Thirty-Nine
Eva
October 2
Weather—cloudy
I finally told Jae-Hwa about the terrible dreams I’ve been having. I think it’s been happening for a month now? Every time I have one, I wake up with terrible shakes and I’m sweating. I get shakes sometimes anyway, but this is rather unbearable—like I have no control over my body. I just wish that it would stop, but it seems as if it’s getting worse.
Every night that I’m hit with it, my work morning is hell. Some of my students have even noticed and started asking me questions. That is the last thing I need right now.
My darling David made it as a finalist to the National Sciences and Innovation competition. He has a big showing tomorrow at Cardiff University. I told him I couldn’t come… but the truth is, I’ve taken the day off for it especially. Both me and Jae-Hwa will be there. He’s going to be so surprised. I cannot wait to see his face. I’m so proud of that boy.
October 7
Weather—cloudy, rain
I had another episode last night. Terrible. Jae-Hwa woke up with me and got a cold compress for my head because I was so hot, and then he held me. It’s like a fever, but it’s not. We went to the doctor again, but as usual, they’ve got nothing. Utterly useless lot, they are. If I told them what I really think is wrong with me, they’d have me institutionalized. Why aren’t there any proper vampire doctors? Someone like that would actually listen to me. Maybe it’s time I take matters into my own hands. I’ll talk to Jae-Hwa about it.
David came in second place at the competition last week. He was disappointed, but I think he’s incredible. Jae-Hwa was impressed, too. We took him for sushi at that posh Japanese restaurant in town, even though Jae hates sushi. I pushed for it because it was David’s special night and he should get to have what he really likes, dammit. Jae-Hwa complained the entire way there, but thankfully, he shut it at the restaurant. It was a nice dinner.
October 20
Weather—partly cloudy
I’m in the kitchen and trying to enjoy my tea, but Cyrus is here with David and the TV is so loud the cottage is rattling like a movie theater. Christ. It’s making my head pound and I’m two rooms over.
I need to be careful of the time. The last thing I need is Cy’s mum breathing down my neck because I’ve let him stay too long into the evening. Haughty judgment, like, “I’m not sure how you raise yooour kid, but as for mine, he needs to be home before dark.”
Piss off, lady. Ever think that your son is over here all the time because it’s a much happier household? I wish I could say that to her. Matter of fact, I should. Stuffy little twit. Her husband is even worse, like a dyspeptic badger.
November 10
Weather—light snow
The school requested that I take leave today, and I’m gutted. The headmaster said I need to focus on my health, that I’m too pale and take too many breaks—that I shuffle to the loo too often. I can’t believe this. All the work I’ve put in there since we moved here, and the kids love me. God, this is so frustrating. I feel like a prisoner in my own damn body.
Jae-Hwa let me try last week… to drink his blood. We kept the process clean and simple—a shallow cut to his finger and I licked the wound. It wasn’t awful, but it’s not really helping. We did it twice but nothing’s changed. I’m still this weird gray color and the dreams haven’t stopped. I don’t know if I need to drink more, or if I should try with something else? Maybe a cat or a dog? God, I have no idea.
Jae-Hwa asked me if he tasted nice, and I said he tasted just alright. He said he was hoping I’d say he tasted like flavored soju or maesil, since I loved those things so much back when we were in Korea teaching together. I said no, sorry, you don’t taste like delicious plum juice and alcohol. We had a good laugh about that.
