Page 104 of Hexbound
Chapter 24
"YOU'RE AVOIDING ME," Verity murmured, watching as Bishop paced around the billiards table.
He chalked the cue mechanically, his face expressionless and closed off. "I'm... tired, Verity. There's a lot on my mind."
"We have the Chalice back," she pointed out, resting her hip against the edge of the table. "Which means Morgana can't use it for any more mischief. Lady E is safe and whole, and bossing poor Marie around like she can't wait to get back on her feet. I'm alive. You're alive. We should be celebrating."
She made the mistake of reaching for his hand where it rested on the mahogany frame.
Bishop stared at it for a second, then subtly removed his hand from beneath hers. "Ascension is two days away. We still don't know what Morgana and Tremayne are up to, though if it involves Sebastian we're in trouble. Horroway is still out there somewhere...."
Verity curled the offending limb in against her chest. There was a pit opening up inside her chest. What she wouldn't give for him to open his arms wide and curl her up within them right now. "Can't we deal with all of that tomorrow? Can't we just have tonight?"
Her skirts brushed against his shoes as she followed him, but Bishop turned. Every line of his body told her to back away.
The pit in her chest became an endless gaping chasm that threatened to swallow her whole. She came to an abrupt stop. "Please don't," she whispered.
"I just want to play a round of billiards," he replied. "It helps to clear my mind. If you want, I'll wake you early enough for us to get a head start on Morgana's plans. Now that we know you can find her, thanks to Horroway's ring...." He leaned over and set the balls up properly.
Reaching out, Verity set her hand on the white ball. "No, I don't want you to send me off to bed like a good little girl, waiting for you to pay me some small scrap of attention. I want to talk about this now. I want.... I want you to hold me."
She held his startled gaze. He looked younger in that moment. Perhaps it was the way his hair desperately needed a trim, the sun-bleached tips of it brushed behind his ears.
"Ver." His mouth twisted in a scowl as he stared down at her hand and the captured ball. "You have to know what the future holds. I know you felt it."
She shivered a little. How could she not have felt it? How could he live with it? A dark mantle that threatened to smother him at any turn. "There has to be something you can do," she protested, forcing away the feeling. "I won't believe that this is inevitable."
Bishop set the cue down, staring blankly at the table. Even before he murmured, "Ver," in a hopeless tone, she knew the answer to her question.
"I'm not going to let you face this alone."
That roused the ire in him. "You don't have a choice." Bishop straightened.
"So you'll make my decision for me?" she replied tartly. "Like Murphy did? Like Guthrie wants to?"
He looked confronted. "Verity—"
"Why can't I make my own choices?" Taking a step toward him, she fixed the collar on his coat. "You promised me that when you offered me a new path, a place inside this Order of yours. Please don't take that away from me."
Bishop set the cue down on the table. "I just... I don't want to hurt you."
Swallowing hard, Verity reached out for his hand. "I want you. I... I love you." She knew now why he secluded himself. Why he roamed these halls at night, unable to sleep. "You don't have to be alone. Not tonight."
His breath punched out of him on a loud exhale. "Jesus. Do you think I don't want this?" His hand lifted, hovering in the air between them. "I'm trying to do the right thing."
"You're trying to protect me from a broken heart," she whispered. "Well, that's just too bad. My heart broke long ago."With her mother's death. Her father leaving. "I didn't let that destroy me then, and no matter what happens between us, I won't let it destroy me now. Do you know what got me through the bad moments when I was a little girl?"
His eyes met hers.
"The small moments," she admitted with a wistful smile. "The day after my mother died, I found a kitten in the workhouse. I stayed in bed all day with him tucked in against me. Two orphans in the world, both of us half starved, bedraggled little fighters. But together... we were no longer alone. And every time I thought of my mother, I could feel him purring against my throat, because he was happy to simply be warm and held, nice and safe. And it was a nice feeling, that moment, without all of the weight of the world against me. So I focused on that.
"And then I met Mercy, and she didn't have any parents either, so we decided we were going to be sisters. And we would share a bed, and I was never alone then. Sometimes she would bring me presents. She had a thing for little glittering scraps of metal. The first time I translocated; that breathless rush of landing. The first meal at Murphy's, when he tried to lure me to the Crows. It was the best thing I'd ever eaten in all my life." Verity bit her lip. "The other night, when you let me love you. That's what gets me through the dark days. Because I know there is another moment of joy somewhere in my future, just waiting to be lived. I'm not afraid of the dark times. I can survive them, Bishop. I can survive anything. But I need these small moments to get through them."
He swallowed.
"Give me another moment," she whispered, leaning against him. "Give me an hour of happiness. That's all I ask."
Bishop cupped her face, tilting his forehead down to hers. The move was oddly intimate. "I can't promise you forever," he said bluntly.
