Page 115 of The Last True Hero
Thirty
"HEY."
Mia paused at the edge of the tor where McClain was standing, staring up with absolute absorption at the full moon only just edging into the sky.
It wasn't as though she'd thought she could surprise him, but when he turned to look at her, the silver light of the moon staining his tanned face, there was no surprise in his expression. "Mia," he said gruffly. "What are you doing? I said I'd take the first watch tonight."
"I asked Ellie to keep an eye out," she replied. He'd laid his sleeping kit out up here, as far away from the camp as possible. "I can't remember the last time I saw you sleep."
A shrug. "It's what I do."
He turned away from her as if to hide his face, but she caught his wrist. "No," she said. "It's more than that. What are you hiding from?"
"Mia—"
Stepping closer, she lifted a hand to touch his face but he was turning away, a movement that might have come across as rejection if only she wasn't so certain what he was trying to hide from her.
"Not a good time," McClain muttered, catching her wrists and leaning forward to rest his forehead against her temple. His chest rose and fell as if his blood rushed through his veins, and his skin felt like a fever raged inside him.
How could she ever have mistaken him for human?
"Isn't it?" she whispered. "Why?"
Please. Please tell me about it.She wanted him to speak to her, to share his burden. And maybe she knew why he wouldn't, but by keeping her at arm's length he was sacrificing any chance the pair of them had.
He just shuddered and looked away, which wasn't good enough.
"It's the moon, isn't it? It calls to you." Mia slid her hands inside his shirt, feeling the bristle of hair down his abdomen. McClain's lashes shuttered his eyes, but the tension within him ratcheted tighter. He looked up then, meeting her gaze with eyes of pure silver. A hungry, hunted look filled them, not entirely human.
But suddenly, she wasn't afraid.
She was angry and furious, but no longer bitter. Her heart felt like a butterfly emerging from a long sleep in its protective cocoon. Its wings were light and the world was beautiful, but there was danger there too. And her butterfly-heart could either accept the risk and take flight, or bury itself back into that stony cocoon and die a short, bitter death of nothingness.
Mia took a deep, shuddering breath. Time for some truth. Time to risk it all, to live again. "That moment when you got shot was one of the worst moments in my life. My mind keeps replaying it over and over in my head... that look on your face, and the feeling that I'd lost you before we even had a chance to begin. I won't pretend all of this hasn't been a shock, but there's a part of me that's glad you're a warg and you survived that."
With those words, she pushed his shirt open, revealing the heavy pewter amulet around his throat.
Suddenly, she was the fearless one.
It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. She knew the dangers here, and she realized that what she was holding in her hands was more precious than she'd ever expected. He might not dare give it to her, but all the same, his heart was inherhands and she was in the position of power.
McClain stood still, her palms pressed against his chest, holding his shirt open. The heat of his skin was delicious—the temperature dangerously spiked from where it had been the other day, when she'd lain with him. A full moon fever dancing through his veins and gleaming within his eyes.
Warg eyes. The silver cat-shine of them flashed through his irises, then was gone again, as if he locked the beast tight within him.
"You shouldn't be here," he said in a broken voice. The grip on her wrists slackened, and for the first time since she'd met him, Adam McClain looked like a single blow might fell him. Her heart ached at the sight, for he was the strongest, steadiest man she'd ever met.
That was the moment Mia knew she was not wrong. She hadn't misjudged him. The risk was acceptable.
McClain was both monsterandman, and the man hated its other half. What would it be like to know what you were? To know that no God-fearing person would ever look at you like you were just a man ever again, if they knew the truth? To believe that you could never get close to another person—to never trust a lover with the truth—for fear of watching them walk away.
It would be the loneliest life of all, and her heart broke for him.
McClain's people had turned him away. It was written all over him, and the effect that such a betrayal had had. She might have been furious about the secret he'd kept from her—especially after her experience with Jake, and the damage that secrets did—but for the first time she was able to look at all of it through unjaded eyes. McClain never wanted to hurt her. All he'd ever dared risk was a single night in her bed, but she had the suspicion that he wasn't just trying to protect her in such a thing, but also himself.
Never get close. Never lose your heart. Never take that risk again.God, she knew exactly how he felt deep down in his bones. And it was lonely and heartbreaking, and became a slow burial of oneself. She couldn't do that to him.
And as Sage said, she needed to stop doing it to herself.
