Page 30 of The Last True Hero
"She deserves the truth and I should never have kept it from her." Jake dashed moisture from his eyes. "It was never your fault. It was all on me and my stupid, pigheaded self. I fucked up and she needs to know it was my fault and—"
"Maybe we should wait until we see—" She hesitated. "—what kind of condition Sage is in. Emotionally," she clarified, when his face went white.
"Yeah," he rasped.
"But right now, if you want to help her you need to pull yourself together," she continued. "I know how you feel. That same fear is gnawing me up inside, and if I let it, it could swallow me whole. I can't breathe without feeling my chest tighten. But that's not going to get my sister back." Mia reached up and hesitantly hugged him. "You're not alone, Jake. We'll deal with this together, because we're family. We're Sage's family." Tears suddenly wet her own eyes as Jake squeezed her back hard, as if he hadn't expected her to comfort him. "We'll get her back. You, me... and McClain."
Jake held her for a long time and despite everything that had come between them in the past, she realized that she needed this too.
He'd been her best friend once, and a part of her missed that crazy young boy who led her and Sage into every bit of mischief he could conjure as a kid.
Turning sixteen had screwed up the dynamics of their relationship. Mia knew that his feelings for her had changed, even if she hadn't been entirely certain of her own. She'd cared for him, but at sixteen Salvation Creek began to feel too small for her. With Sage two years behind her, she'd been tied to the town, but as time passed and Sage began her own apprenticeship in electronics salvaging, Mia began to feel that restless itch again.
The second she got an offer to join a hydroponics cohort out east, Jake changed. No longer content to hint at his feelings, he'd begun to pursue her, as if he could feel her slipping away.
And Mia hadn't known what she truly wanted.
Freedom? A career in hydroponics? The ability to see more of her small part of the world? Or Jake? Jake, who was safe and familiar and meant security for the rest of her life?
She drew back slowly, looking up. This was a night of revelations, the pair of them dealing with fallout from years ago. And she needed to do her share.
"I used you," she admitted suddenly. "I didn't know what I wanted but I knew I didn't love you. Not... not enough. And when I chickened out on heading east I turned back to you because I knew you would be there, even though I'd told you there was no chance of anything growing between us. Saying that scared the shit out of me. I kept telling myself that I loved you as a friend, maybe a little bit more, and that true love could grow between us if I gave it a chance. But... I was also using you and that wasn't fair."
Jake's brows narrowed. "Why are you telling me this?"
She moved away, wiping the tiredness from her face with a hand. "You know why."
Jake cleared his throat. "It's him, isn't it?"
"Partly. I don't know," she admitted. "There's something there and I don't know what it is, but I've never... never felt like this before. And it scares me more than anything else ever has."
"Mia...." He hesitated. "Do you ever get the feeling that McClain's not telling us something?"
"Yeah." She definitely got that feeling, all right. "I'm not committing to anything. He's holding back from me and I know it. But... he also makes me feel safe." Mia shook it off. "Let's not talk about that. Let's focus on Sage. I owed you an apology."
"You don't owe me anything, Mia. Like I said, this was all my fault." He took a slow breath. "Well. That was unexpected. You and I working shit out, acting like allies rather than enemies."
"I can't help thinking that if I hadn't been such a bitch to you, then you might have stayed and my sister wouldn't have been working at the ranch that morning," she admitted, her voice dropping to a whisper.
That was the thought that kept her awake at night.
"You don't know that. And youcan'tknow that," he pointed out. "Do you think Sage would have been content sitting at home, waiting for me to get back from a hard day's work? She liked what she did, Mia, and she could have been there all the same. This isn't your fault. Any of it."
"I know." She pressed her thumbs up under her aching eye sockets. "I know. I'm just thinking too much." Mia frowned. "What's taking so long, what's—"
"It's quiet," Jake replied, cocking his head.
And so it was. The screams had stopped.
"Do you think it's done?" she whispered.
"I'll go—"
"No." She shoved past him. "I'll go and see."
Hammering down the flight of stairs, she stepped into the cell where McClain had gone about his business. The stench hit her first: the reiver had voided his bowels at some point, but as she glanced at his crumpled body she couldn't see any blood. Not even a mark on him.
Mia stopped in her tracks. Even before she saw McClain's face she knew something was wrong.
