Page 113 of The Last True Hero
"Iknow." There were no excuses she could offer. Just a complicated mess she'd never known how to work her way out of.
Sage pressed her fingers to her temples. "All this time I've been on tenterhooks, trying to manage the pair of you in my life. I knew something was wrong. You hated him. Do you know what that felt like? Managing the both of you? Trying to see you when I could, and then spend time with my husband when he was home. Keeping the pair of you apart as much as often. That hurt, Mia.
"And I've spent years trying to work out what happened between you both. Did he have another woman out there? Another family? Was it Mom and Dad's deaths? Did he say something? Was it me? What? I kept thinking that if I could just hold on to him, just love him enough, then he might stay with me. Do you know what that feels like, to spend so much of your life wondering?"
"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. And you seemed okay with it all. You never said anything."
"That makes two of us. There's a lot you can hide behind a smile," Sage cried. Tears ran down her cheeks, turning her pale skin blotchy. "When I was pregnant... it was the only thing that made him happy for a while. I pinned so many of my hopes on that child, even though I knew the pains weren't normal. I thought it could save our marriage, but then I lost the baby... And I never told anyone how bad it was inside my head, because I never dared upset the applecart."
Mia dragged Sage into a hug. She was crying now too.
"And he hurt you," Sage blurted. "How do I forgive that? All these years you locked yourself away, and I kept hoping you'd find someone for yourself, but he cost you that."
The pair of them cried on each other's shoulders. Mia couldn't help clutching at Sage a little, as if she could still lose her.
"I won't pretend I'm not angry," Sage finally whispered. "But I know you only meant to protect me. You always do. But this time you fucked up, Mia. No more secrets, okay. I can't handle that shit anymore."
"Promise," she whispered.
Sage wiped her eyes.
"What are you going to do about Jake?"
"I honestly don't know," Sage admitted. "He's been the only thing I could think of for the past few days. I was so desperate to see him again, even when I hoped he wouldn't come. I love him, Mia. But I'm so angry with him. He ruined our family."
"Look," Mia said. "Jake and I have had our differences in the past few years, but I have to admit that this week.... You're all he's thought about. He would have done anything to get you out of there safely. And I'm not making excuses for him, but... I guess I've forgiven him. I saw how much he loves you, Sage. He would have died for you."
"You're the last person I thought would ever forgive him."
"I know." Mia let out a relived breath. "But I don't think I'm the same person as I was before. I'm tired of feeling bitter and tired of... I don't know. Just existing, I guess. I want more."
"Good," Sage said bluntly.
"I thought you'd hate me more. I don't know what I'd do without you. You're my everything, you're my—"
Sage held up her hand, looking weary. "I know I am. That's the one truth I will never doubt." Fire suddenly flared in her eyes. "But have you ever thought about what kind of a burden that places on me? I love you, Mia. And I know that I'm the center of your world. And while that's the most comforting thought in the world sometimes, it makes me uncomfortable too. Mia, I know I'm your everything, but the sad thing is that youhavenothing else. You can't keep living forme. And I know why it happened, I know you needed to protect me when Mom and Dad died, and that it gave you a lifeline to hang on to. But that was over ten years ago. I'm an adult with my own... my own life. Even if things don't work out with Jake, I'll find something. But you.... Jake hurt you and you locked yourself away from the world, and I didn't know why. And you kept living in this bubble-like world. Making your whiskey, running the bar, keeping men at arm's length, with me as your focal point in life. And you can't keep doing that. Not for my sake, but yours. I want to see you move on. I want to see you with your own life, your own man, your own... family. I want so much more for you because I love you, and it hurts me to see you stagnating the way you did."
It shocked her. She'd never thought about it in such a way. Had she really done that? Latched on to her sister and used Sage as the pillar of her life, not just for Sage's sake, but for her own?
Sage let out a faint laugh. "And here you have a man, a good man, one who looks at you like you're the moon and all the stars in his world, and I'm so frightened that you're going to push him away."
Mia opened her mouth but the words didn't come out. "He's—"
"Do you love McClain?" Sage demanded. "Before you say anything else, do you love him?"
She didn't know how to answer that. Everything had happened so quickly, and she hadn't had time to sort through her feelings, let alone deal with the emotional fallout of discovering McClain's secret. "It's not that simple."
"Yes, it is," Sage replied. "Do you love him, Mia?"
"Yes! But it also scares the hell out of me."
"What's holding you back? Are you still scared that you can't trust him?"
"He has a secret," Mia blurted.
"Is it the kind of secret that keeps you from letting him into your heart? I want to believe that one of us can be happy. No, I think Ineedto believe it."
Adam hadknown. He'd known how she'd react and all day he'd been keeping his distance, even as there'd been an ancient sense of sadness in his eyes. It stymied her now. The monsters shouldn't be afraid of the humans, but he was. He was afraid she'd reject him again, afraid to get too close to her.
