Page 36 of The Mech Who Loved Me
She couldn't deny she was attracted to Kincaid in a physical way, but she also quite liked him. The craving virus roused the primal side of one's nature, but she couldn't entirely blame this... this lust upon it. She wanted those strong hands on her bare skin. She wanted to touch Kincaid, to lick him, to taste those devilish lips, in a way she'd never feltbefore.
None of this made any sense at all, except for the demanding pulse of the ache between herthighs.
"What if Idointend to finish it?" She was tired of living within the rules—tired of being polite, and letting her own desires go unanswered. Perry's suggestion had only exacerbated the sense offrustration.
And the more she thought about it, the more Kincaid seemed to be the perfect answer to herproblems.
Even if her words wiped the smile offhisface.
"Are you sure you know what you're asking for?" he asked, pushing away from the bed and pacing across the room, the bulky form of the mechanical brace that girdled his hips and thighs bulging beneath his trousers. She wished she knew why heworeit.
Ava sat up on her knees, leaving her a little chilled as her blankets fell away. "Yes, I do. I trust you. And this attraction doesn't seem to be going away, sowhynot?"
"I know women. You're not the sort to enjoy an affair if your heart is not involved. And I'm not offerin' a future, Ava. I need you tounderstandthat."
"Pfft." She waved the thought away, determined now she'd made up her mind. "You might have a good deal of experience with women, but you forget something. I am not like most women. I'm a scientist, Mr. Kincaid. You said yourself, this makes sense in a logical, rational way. And you present a very intriguing dilemma for me. I have never felt so curious about... about a man's body before. When you are in the same room with me, I am—" She searched for the means to say it. "—overcome with purely physical desires. I cannot stop thinking about it, and it's quite vexing. Usually when I am interested in a man, it is because I find him charming, or he is nice to me, or I admire hismanners,or—"
"Or in the case of Byrnes, you found him comfortable to be around." Kincaid crossed his arms over his chest as hefacedher.
"Ye-es," she said carefully. "He was easy to be around because he accepted me as I was, without seeking to change me or disapproving of the way I think. You don't know how rare that is." Again, she thought of Paul, the man who hadn't entirely approved of her. She didn't blame him for moving on when he thought she was dead, after Hague kidnapped her, but at the time the loss hadhurther.
It didn'tanymore.
Kincaid's eyes narrowed. "Did you ever want to kissByrnes?"
"Well," she sputtered. "Of course I did. He was very kind to me, and I cared forhim,and—"
"Kind?" The way he drawled the word made her feel like he knew something shedidnot.
"Byrnes has no concept of charm, but hecanbe kind. I know you probably can't imagineit,but—"
"I thought there was something between the pair of you, but if there was, then you wouldn't be thinking of him askind. That's the very last word anyone would ever use to describe that smugbastard."
"Whatever does that mean?" she askedsuspiciously.
Kincaid rubbed his mouth. "Ava, do you have any idea what it is like to bedaman?"
"Of course I do.I'veseen—"
"Outside of what you've seen inbooks."
They stared at each other, and she felt like they were having two different conversations. "No," she admitted. "Only what I've read, or what I've seen indiagrams."
"Isee."
"I'm not completely sheltered. There were farm animals at my father's country manor. And I saw the shadow show at the Garden of Eden." He looked unconvinced. "I studied anatomy, for heaven's sake. I know howthingsfit."
Kincaid growled under his breath, scraping his hands over his face as he muttered, "Whyme?"
"I can hear you. Enhanced hearing, if you'll recall? And if you want an answer to that, then here it is. I don't love you. You don't love me. There's no risk here for me. But I like you—enough to trust you with my body—and I... I think you like me. Or you would, if I weren't a blueblood,but—"
"I do like you," he admitted gruffly. "Blue bloodnotwithstanding."
Something warmed with her. "And the truth is, I'm not certain I've beenlivingmy life. I needed time to put myself back together after what happened to me, and I think I'm nearly there. But the last few years have been... controlled. Full of routine, and me trying to pretend everything is fine, and dusk to dawn spent in a laboratory, or traipsing through crime scenes, and while that is all well and good and intellectually stimulating it has come to my attention it also makes me feel a little hollow. Or... lacking. Lackingsomething."
Those sleepy eyes turned dangerous. "You mentioned a taste ofpassion."
Passion.That was what had been missing. "Yes," she breathed. "I want to experience something that sweeps me out of this ordinary life. I want a taste of everything I'm not supposed to want, and everything I've been suppressing for the last few years. Perry suggested I take a lover, but I think it's more than that. And I don't know precisely what that something is, but there's a hollow inside me, a yearning for... something. And maybe if I start with a lover, then I'll work out what thatsomethingis."
