Page 69 of The Mech Who Loved Me
"If I'm being honest, then neither of us is where we were when we set out to do this," he said hoarsely. "I like you, Ava. A lot. And you're not the only one who keeps telling yourself this has a beginning and an ending. And yet here we are." He looked down into eyes so very green he felt like he was fallingintothem.
"Here we are," Ava whispered, and her gaze dropped to hismouth.
"I can't stay away from you. And I don't know if I want to. But there are things you need to know. Idoknow there is an ending in front of us. There has to be, but it's not for the reason youthink."
Ava slowly looked up, and he caressedherface.
"Ava, I can't give you a future. Not won't. But can't." His breath caught. "If I could... then maybe... maybe I would. Maybe I'd bethatman."
Ava wrapped her arms around herself as she drew back, shaking her head slowly, as if she'd finally realized what he was telling her. "What doyoumean?"
"What's the one thing I don't like talkingabout?"
The color was slowly beginning to drain from her face. "Why do you wear leg braces? Why the girdle around your waist? What'sgoingon?"
And she deservedtoknow.
"It's a muscular disorder," he told her softly, steeling himself. "My brother had it, my uncle... and now me." He caught his breath, seeing Will's grave. "I thought I was safe. My brother began to show the signs when he was thirteen. Ian began at one-and-twenty, and I was almost six-and-twenty the first time my legs went out from beneath me. You keep thinking: did I just trip? Was I clumsy? Or is it something more sinister? But I can't deny it any longer. I'm the last victim of the Kincaidcurse."
Ava's face was so very, very pale. "You said yourbrotherdied."
"He did." Kincaid forced himself to look her in the eye. "The same way my uncle will. His heart gave out. Like I said, it's a degenerative muscular disorder, and the heart is amuscle."
Ava dragged her hands over hermouth. "No."
"Yes." His voice sounded cool and rational, but his heart was beating like a racehorse’s in his chest. "I don't know how many years I have ahead of me. Ian's lasted years beyond Will. And it's early. My legs are weakening, I can feel it, but the braces keep me upright for now. One day I'll be in a wheeled chair. One day I'll be unable to get out of bed. Andoneday...."
He couldn'tsayit.
"Is therenocure?"
"Malloryn's instructed the Royal College of Physicians to try and find one, but... I don't holdmuchhope."
Ava was frozen, looking absolutely horrified. "What about the cravingvirus?"
"No."
"It can heal virtuallyanything."
"You think that's any better? To become a—" He remembered to whom he wastalking.
"A monster?" she whispered, looking evenpaler.
"Ava."
"Do you think me amonster?"
"No!" He held his hands up in a placating manner. "But what if it doesn't stop my illness? There are some illnesses, some tumors, the craving virus hasn't been able to help. I don't know if I could dare hope. And it goes against everything I've everbelieved."
"You're being stubborn," she snapped, "because of your prejudices. If you'd justaccept—"
"What? You want to lecture me? Why don't we discuss the way you acceptyournature?"
Avafroze.
"Aye," he said deliberately. "You keep saying I'm the one with prejudices, and I should risk all in the hopes the craving virus will heal me, but you're the one who can't abide blood. You're the one who keeps working on this mysterious 'formula,' so you can pretend to be what youaren't—"
"That's not fair. And I won't take offense at it. You'reafraid....And—"
