Page 70 of The Mech Who Loved Me
"Of course I'm bloody afraid." He rasped his hand over his mouth, reining himself back in. He didn't want to hurt her, but couldn't she see how difficult this was for him? "You live in a world of 'maybe,' Ava. And it's part of what draws me to you. Despite everything, you still have hope in your eyes, and it makes you more beautiful than you will ever know. But for me there is no maybe. All I can see is the end. I am going to die. Maybe not tomorrow, but in a few years. I'm sorry, sweetheart. I am. But as I said, fairy tales don't exist. Not in real life. And I'll live every day between now and then as if it were my last, but I won't drag you downwithme."
"Is thatyourchoice?" Her eyes were shining, but there were no tears. "It feels like you're not even giving me a decisioninthis."
"Because I know what that decision would be. Your most beautiful trait is the empathy you can't hide. I won't be pitied. I won't ruin your life because you think you need to nurse me into the grave." He could see everything she felt flickering over her face. "You want marriage, and you want children, and I willnotinflict this on a child. I can't." His voice broke. "This bloody curse can diewithme."
Kincaid nodded to her curtly, his insides twisted in knots. "I just wanted you to know. And if you choose not to go forward with our agreement, then I'll understand. This is becoming emotionally tangled for both of us, and that's not fair on you. I'm sorry. I should have told youearlier."
But I wanted to touch you just once, and I couldn't denymyself.
Then he turned and stormed out of the alley, unable to bear the look in her eyes anylonger.
Seventeen
KINCAID CIRCLED CHARLIE.The young lad was lean and Kincaid dwarfed him, but the bastard was a craver through and through. Which meant he was faster than Kincaid, stronger, and recoveredquicker.
If Kincaid didn't have a biomech hand that could punch its way through walls, then he'd be seriouslyoutclassed.
He didn't care if he was outclassed right now. A part of him wanted to be punished, and maybe if he let the physical pain of a fight overwhelm him, then it wouldn't hurt so muchinside.
He hadn't seen Ava since last night, when he dropped her home at the safe house and then went and got blind roaring drunk with Xander, ignoring the way his friend kept looking at him as if he knew something waswrong.
And there'd been a note this morning, a quiet one full of unspoken hurt, where she'd told him she'd knocked on his door and waited for him, but she needed to see to something at the guild and could nolongerwait.
It was better this way.Wasn'tit?
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Charlieasked.
"Just hit mealready."
Charlie sighed, and then came at him in a blur of fists. Knuckles slammed into his side, and Kincaid retaliated with a sharp elbow, following up with a left hook that almost connected with thelad'snose.
He'd extended too far. Pain exploded through his cheekbone as Charlie planted him with a fistful offives.
"Sorry," Charlie said, dropping his fists from a pugilist stance as Kincaidstaggeredback.
"Don't be sorry," Kincaid growled, and drove at him, desperately needing to drive the horrible feeling insidehimaway.
They punched, and wrestled, and slammed each other into walls. Blows turned his vision white, and he was soon limping, his body fatigued and bruised, while Charlie looked fresh as adaisy.
It rankled. He'd been worse than useless the night Zero attacked him and Byrnes and broke his nose. How could a human fight something that moved faster than he could even track? Surviving was the best he could manage, which often left him wondering precisely why the Duke of Malloryn had ever asked him to join the Company ofRogues.
He wasn't useless, and he wouldn't let this disease steal his sense of worthfromhim.
He was a good man in a fight, and he was tired of being taken for the weakest link ontheteam.
Kincaid went on the attack. Charlie danced around him, anticipating the next blow, and then answering with a right uppercut that slipped beneath Kincaid'sguard.
His ears rang, his feet went out from under him, and then he was staring up at the ceiling, rolling his tongue around his mouth to check for brokenteeth.Fuck.
"Jesus, are you all right?" An earnest head peered down at him, and that only pissed him off more. "I didn't mean to hit yousohard."
Grabbing the lad's hand, Kincaid hauled himself to his feet. "If you don't hit me hard in training, then thedhampirwill when it counts. I need to learn to takethosehits."
There was blood in his mouth. He spat through the open window and rinsed his mouth out, just in time to see Malloryn prance intotheroom.
"You're not enjoying this half enough," Malloryn told Charlie, who arched a browdubiously.
"I don't enjoy hurting my friends," the lad replied. His fists were low, and he had a determined look on his face, as though he was going to refuse to go any further with this. "I'm done. You've got a death wish this morning, and you're not even protectingyourself."
