Page 82 of The Mech Who Loved Me
Ava shivered a little, her body relaxing. Everything hurt, including her sprained wrist. Kincaid had bound it up earlier in a sling, but for a blue blood, the only thing to do was wait. She'd be fully healed in a dayortwo.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to frighten you." He blew on the end of the taper, extinguishing the small flame. "I know you don't likethedark."
And so he'd been making sure she wouldn't wake in it. His care toward her was almost... sweet, if one were trying to find the right word.SweetandKincaidwere two words she would never have put togetheruntilnow.
He dragged a stool closer to the bed, resting his elbows on the coverlet, though he watched her carefully. "How are youfeeling?"
"I'm not going to attack you," she blurted, tucking the covers up underherchin.
He blinked. "Iknow."
"Ijust...."
His hand captured hers, warmth cocooning her. "I know," he repeated, and squeezed gently. "You were hurt and injured, and you needed blood. I'm starting to understand that. I wish I'd been able to donate.Iwish...."
Ava squeezed her eyes shut, licking dry lips. The worst part of that morning's escapade was the fact now she wanted more of it. One taste and she craved hot, sweet blood. All these months she'd been telling herself her protein solution could sustain her, but it was nothing like the real thing. She felt like something dark had awoken inside her, and now it burned there, whispering seductive thoughtstoher.
Like how close Kincaid sat, the scent of his cologne acting like an aphrodisiac. She wasn't certain whether she wanted to bite him—or kiss him. The urge rode through her body like a carpenter's file over her nerves. She couldn't help shifting, her thighs rubbing together temptingly. Wanting.Craving.
Blood and ashes. She was far too alive, far too aware, far too... hungry. For something,anything.
He was still talking. "...I'm so sorry, Ava. So sorry. You were right about the caterpillar mushroom. About using it as a weapon. Innocent people would die.Younearly died, and I would cut my own heart out before I ever let yougethurt."
"It's all right. I know you weren't thinking of the consequences—you saw only the possibilities, only the cause you sacrificed yourlifeto."
He drew her hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to her fingers. "They took everything from me," he whispered hoarsely. "They killed my sister, turned her into something I didn't even recognize, and she couldn't live with that anymore. She killed herself. And I've hated blue bloods for so long, it's hard to realign my thinking. But seeing you like that today.... Jaysus. I couldn't do anything to help you. And you're lucky. So lucky your heart is made ofclockwork."
She looked away, haunted byghosts.
"I nearly lost you," Kincaid breathed, and curled her hand in both of his. "And I didn't realize until that moment how much you meant to me. How much losing youwouldhurt."
"It's okay," she whispered, stroking his hair from his brow. Her heart ticked inexorably on, but it felt like it should be racing. What did he mean by that? She felt like she stood on the precipice of a turning point, as though her future was suddenly very uncertain. "We had a lucky turn of events, and now we know what the caterpillar mushroom does to a blueblood."
"You were still coughing blood before you went tosleep."
"I'm fine," she whispered. "I feel normalagain."
Dark lashes obscured Kincaid's eyes as he glanced down, his thumb pausing right there on her vein. "I should have been the one to offer myblood."
What?She sat up a little straighter. Of all the things to say.... Couldn't he see how on edge shewas? "No."
"You don'twantmyblood?"
"No... I... Yes. Yes, of course." Plague him. "Who elseishere?"
"Malloryn's returned home," he replied gently, "possibly to dwell on what you told us about the attack. Jack's in the basement I think, and I'm not sure if Charlie's around. He often goes out at night, and Malloryn wanted a report on what people are saying about the attack. Apart from that...." His expression suddenly froze, as if he'd finally caught the thread of where she was going with this line of questioning. Then he relaxed. "You're safe, Ava. I know you're not going to attack me, if that's what you'reafraidof."
Safe? What a fool he was. She could still feel it brewing within her, a darkness full of hungry teeth. Maybe she had survived the caterpillar mushroom, but at what cost? For she didn't feel normal. She felt like all her safe trappings had been ripped away, and she was unmoored from hersanctuary.
She felt angry, and hungry, and not at allherself.
It was like living through those first horrible weeks when she'd been stricken with the craving and her body changed, flooding her with desires she'd never felt before. When lust became an all-consuming thought, and all she could think about wasblood.
"Well, Idon'tknow that!" Ava cried, feeling her vision drop from color to black-and-white shadows. She could hear his heart pounding. "If I let myself go for just one second... maybe Iwouldbe the monster you fear?MaybeI'd—"
Strong arms went around her. "You're not a monster, Ava. You just don't have itinyou."
She fought against him for a second, but the warmth of his body was so damned sweet. Ava pressed her face into his shoulder.Don't let me go. Please, don't ever let me go. But beneath that sweetness was a restless ache. Ava cradled her sprained wrist carefully against him, breathing in his cologne. "I'mscared."
