Page 89 of The Mech Who Loved Me
Something shifted in Gemma's eyes. "You stupid fool. Youloveher. How did I notseethis?"
He pushed away from her, an odd note of panic echoing in his brief laugh. "Love? What's love to a man like me? Or a womanlikeyou?"
"It's everything we ever secretly hoped for," Gemma whispered. "The type of thing people like us don't get to experience. Losing your heart is dangerous in this line of work. It deceives you as to whom the enemy actually is, and puts blinders on your vision, so you sometimes don't even see the world around you. Or the knife in the shadows. But the temptation alwaysremains."
Now that was interesting. "You've beeninlove."
Gemma smiled sadly and looked down, the light filtering through the window and striking her black hair. "IthoughtI was in love. In truth I was living a lie, and I was the one telling it to myself. Malloryn's right. Emotions are dangerous. Love isdangerous."
There was a lump in his throat. "But it's also the one thing that gives a man hope and purpose. Whathappened?"
Gemma looked away. "It's an old story. A longstory."
"Is he stillalive?"
"No," she whispered, though she hesitated. "He was a foreign spy, Kincaid. He worked for one of Malloryn's enemies and I was supposed to seduce him, and pretend to be his lover. I succeeded," Gemma admitted. "Too well. It felt real, for the short time we had together. Dmitri and I...." She shrugged, giving a wry smile, as if to guard herself from the emotions she felt. "The truth was revealed, and he shot me, leaving me to plunge into an icyriver.
"I don't remember much from that time. Pain. Cold. Trying to break back through the ice, and not being able to. Everything seemed to slow down. I was so scared I was going to die, and so I kept swimming downriver, trying to find a hole in the ice. That was where Malloryn hauled me out. I'd always thought him a pampered, spoiled bastard. Blue blood elite. But he dragged me out from under the ice, and used his own blood to heal me—and infect me. He sat on that frozen beach in wet clothes, rubbing heat back into my hands and feet, despite the fact my stupid feelings for an enemy agent ruined his entire plan and got all his men killed. It's the one reason I owe him my loyalty. He could have let me drown for my failures, but he smuggled me out of Russia and let me go unpunished while I tried to put the past to rest. And now he's giving me a second chance, when I don't reallydeserveone.
"Love will do that to you, Kincaid. Leave you broken and bleeding deep inside, where it never truly heals. For once in my life, I agree with Malloryn. It's not worth the risk, no matter how wonderful it feels at the time. It only breaks you, and especially in this line of work, leaves your friends vulnerable to theenemy."
"Ava believes it gives you strength in the darkest ofmoments."
"And that's why we love her. Because she reminds us of everything we've lost. That hope. Those dreams. But you're darkness, Kincaid. And so am I. And we're the type of people who ruin others. Don't do thattoher."
"Truce?" he asked, releasing a shuddering breath. He felt like something had died a littleinsidehim.
Gemma sighed. "Truce."
They stared at each other. He'd never liked her. Not the way he liked the others, despite their craving virus affliction. Gemma was too worldly, too guarded, too callous. She reminded him too much of himself, in some ways, and perhaps that was why they buttedheads.
"I didn't mean to say what I said about Byrnes," sheapologized.
It still ached within him. "It's the truth," he stated flatly. "For whatever reason, Ava cared for him. She entertained hope there was something between them. But maybe... maybe we could be there for each other. Just for a month or two. Before weendit."
* * *
"Why didyou insist I partner with Ava?" The thought had been frustrating Kincaidlately.
Malloryn glanced up from the desk. "Do you really wanttoknow?"
"I wouldn't have askedotherwise."
Malloryn put his pen down and leaned back in the chair. "When you first joined the company, you hated every single one of us for what we are. It surprised me to realize you'd mellowed enough to consider a friendship with Byrnes and Charlie, though your prejudices still show attimes—"
"So you thought you'd partner me with the least predatory blue blood you know." He tasted disgust. "I hate beingmanipulated."
"Iknow."
But it was working. Kincaid crossed his arms, squeezing his fists. "She's a kitten compared to you. I get it. I do. Not all blue bloods are the same. Not all blue bloods are blood-thirsty monsters. Not even you." He paused. "Why do you do this? I understand you're interested in progress, but it seems as though you expend a great deal of energy for a cause not your own. One could almost say you're drivenbyit."
Those icy gray eyes met his. "It's not the sort of thing I speak of toanyone."
"Yet you demand everyone else spill their fuckin' secrets. No, you insist. How can you ask for the trust of your agents if you won't give it inreturn?"
A long silence. "There was a girl. Back when I was young and foolish, and I got her killed. And that is the extent of what I'm willing to share. Anything else?" Malloryn's voice encouraged him tomoveon.
A girl? Malloryn? The man with noheart?
