Page 103 of Soulbound
He stepped through the doors, taking a punch to the heart when he saw her dashing away her tears, and resolutely opening the book to the page she'd marked. Duty gave her something to focus on, a means to sidestep the press of her emotions, and he didn't know why he hadn't seen how thin she was stretching herself. He'd been so busy trying to sort through his own turmoil that he'd barely given thought to hers.
"Cleo."
"You don't have to explain," she said, clearly trying to be brave. "I won't hold you to this—"
"If you'd give me a chance to speak," he said sharply, through gritted teeth, "then you'd know I want you to hold me to this marriage."
Dark eyes flashed to his.
Bottling his turmoil, he stepped through and closed the doors, locking them behind him. Then he turned and looked at her hungrily. Despite her reddened eyes and splotchy skin, she'd never looked more beautiful.
His decision had been made, perhaps long ago, before he even knew it himself.
"I never wanted to marry you," he said. "You were simply one more thing my mother forced me to do for her. Imagine my shock when I couldn't resist trying to see what sort of woman my mother was binding me to, and found you. You with your endless hope, and helpless charm. You with your belief the world was a happier place if only one strived for it. A woman who betrayed her father in order to help rescue me from a collar that bound me to my mother's will. A woman who fought for me every step of the way, pushing me to do what was right. A woman who argued there was something better within me, when I couldn't see it myself." His voice softened. "And now you're giving up? Now you won't even give me a chance to explain, when it's my turn to fight for you?"
Her chin tipped up, her lower lip quivering. "There's only so much of my heart I can give you without destroying myself."
"Well, that's too bad," he said, starting toward her. "Because I want it all."
Wariness filled her gaze. Cleo found her feet, pressing her bottom to the desk as he advanced. "It's not yours to give or take."
"No?" Lifting the ticket, he tore it into little pieces, dropping it on the carpet as he made his way toward her. Her eyes widened in shock, and he took a step to the side as she shifted to escape. "I think I already own it."
He'd known for a long time how she felt about him. Cleo had bonded him, so there was no way for her to hide the truth from him. And he'd learned to shield far quicker than she ever had.
She darted one way, and he caught her in his arms, dragging her against his chest. Cleo's arms were trapped between them, and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "Please. Please don't do this. Not unless you mean it. I don't think I can handle it if you were to toy with my affections right now."
"I'm sorry," he whispered. "So sorry I haven't been able to give you what you wanted until this moment. When I woke in chains after Drake sacrificed himself for me, I knew I was free of my mother for the first time in my life. Free of her sclavus collar. Free of everything that weighed me down. I’ve never known freedom before. I’ve always hungered for it, but I never considered what I would do if I ever actually gained it." He paused, sliding the mass of her hair in his hands and beginning to tug the pins restraining it free. "I wanted to leave England, and to leave this mess behind me. I thought perhaps I could strike out for the Americas. No Morgana. No demon. No…."
"Me," she whispered. "Our bond is just another chain around you. I’m so sorry, Sebastian—"
"If you hadn’t bound me," he pointed out, "then I wouldn’t be here to even wonder about my life. I was dying. You bound me to save my life."
"At the cost of your freedom," she whispered, still looking horrified.
He brushed her blonde curls over her right shoulder. "That’s not what I’m saying at all."
Cleo looked up at him. From this angle the green gown she wore hung just haphazardly enough he could see the smooth slope of her breasts and the lace edge of her corset. His cock pulsed, and Sebastian forced himself to swallow. Capturing her face in his hands, he drew back from her.
"I bought the ticket one day when Lady E was pushing me too far. It was a spur of the moment whim. I don't even know if I was ever going to set foot on that ship, but it gave me... room to breathe when I didn't think I could cope with everything." He pressed his cheek to hers, breathing in the scent of her soap. "I wanted a new life away from all this mess. But I was dreaming of the wrong sort of life. The second you fainted at the Ascension Ball I knew I could never go through with it. There you were in my arms, helpless and in danger. I didn't know what was happening to you and it broke me."
He shuddered. "Cleo, you consume me in ways I've never known before. And you terrify me, for you ask me to be something I've never had to be. You want a husband, and you want a family, and those are things I've never wanted, until now.
"I don't know what love is," he whispered hoarsely. "You say you want my heart, but you don't know the truth. You have my soul. You've had it from the moment I first saw you, standing there feeding your ducks without a care in the world. You saved me. Time and time again, and I've never wanted anything in my life the way I want you." He clutched her close, breathing her in, trying to absorb the essence of goodness within her.
A soft cry came from her throat, and she slid a hand up between them, pressing her palm to her chest. "Sebastian."
"I choose you, Cleo," he whispered, hovering over her. "I choose us."
And then their mouths were meeting, his hands softening in her hair as he cupped her face and fused their lips together. He let his shields fall, becoming fully, irrevocably hers. The soul-bond roared to life within him like a flame given fresh air after being starved for so long.
He bound himself to her, knowing he could never hide from her again. Knowing there would be no annulment, no separation, nothing but a future, which they could forge together.
Their breathing harshened, becoming thick, ragged pants. He couldn't get enough of her. She was under his skin now, within his heart, their bond fusing them into one being, and the only way he could feel more complete would be to physically fill her.
Reaching beneath her, Sebastian captured her bottom and set her on the desk. Leaning toward her, he set both hands on the desk beside her hips, effectively trapping her. Their breath mingled, their gazes locking together. He couldn't look away from her if he tried.
"I want to be your husband in truth." Capturing her knuckles, he brushed his mouth to the back of them. "If you will have me."
