Page 105 of The Hero Within
If you scream, then I'll turn my horse around and track her down. You know I will.
A thousand trapped screams.
The burning stink of his skin.
Again.
And again.
And again.
"It amused him to try and break me," he whispered, staring sightlessly out over the city. "And he knew it would cut my mother up on the inside to know he had me. I can only guess from the scars on her skin that he did the same thing to her before she somehow escaped him. He used to ramble about it all the time. About her betrayal. About my father. They deserved to die. They'd stabbed him in the back by running off together, and punishing me was his favorite way to get back at them."
Eden shifted in his arms, trying to read his face. She looked sick. "I'm so sorry. I never knew."
"He'd break me down, fuse me with his scent, and then force me to do something," he admitted, in a rough voice. "Little things to start with. Things you can't refuse.'Fetch me a cup'. You don't know what it's like to consider the danger of giving in. Is it worth fighting him? For a cup? You give in once, and it stops hurting. It's one step off a small cliff. Then the next request comes. And the next. Before you know it, you're conditioned to do what he wants you to do. It gets harder to refuse him and it hurts more when you do. The worst thing is, Eden, toward the end he didn't even need to burn me or torture me. If I fought his will, I'd feel the pain. It was like my own system was trained to give it the feedback he desired—"
Eden turned in his lap, somehow managing to straddle him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her breasts in his face, but for the first time, he didn't feel a single lick of desire in him. "It's okay."
He ground his face against her shoulder and sucked in a huge breath of air. It was beyond hope to believe she'd touch him at this moment. Beyond anything he'd ever expected. He felt dirty all over, but Eden's hands stroked up his spine, her scent stealing through his chest like a blazing warmth whenever a surge of panic went through him. He'd have accused her of having some omega inside her if he didn't know better.
This was forgiveness.
This was compassion and empathy, and all the things he'd never dared believe he'd ever have.
This was everything he'd read in her letters and pretended not to dream about, not to give a shit about. Not to hunger for.
She damned near broke him harder than Cane had ever managed because Eden made him vulnerable in a way Cane couldn't.
He couldn't fight the way she made him feel.
Or how much he needed her to hold him.
"I should never have touched you that day we met," he whispered, knowing he'd never apologized enough. "I knew he'd be nearby. I knew he'd hurt you if he laid eyes on you. But I couldn't resist going with you." The words broke a part of him he hadn't known he was holding back. "It had been so long since someone had touched me. So long since someone had smiled at me. I needed it so badly, I couldn't help myself. You were an angel, and though I knew better, I couldn't walk away from you."
"Sshhh." She captured his face in her hands. "It's not your fault. Cane was a monster who destroyed both our lives. There's nothing you could have done to stop him. He tortured you until he managed to overpower your will. He tried to break you, but he didn't succeed. He couldn't destroy the core of who you were, no matter how hard he tried."
He kissed her palm.
"It's not your fault." Her voice gained strength. "None of it was ever your fault."
"I should have fought harder—"
"No." Eden glared at him, like some mighty avenging warrior. "I get it. I do." She gave a breathless laugh. "Of all people, I truly understand. But none of this was your fault."
"None of it was my fault," he rasped.
It might take him a decade of saying it to believe it, but this was a start.
The warm cup of her hand stroked down his cheek. "There's a courage and warmth inside you he couldn't destroy. Now I know you, I can see who you are inside, Johnny. I want... When we're finished here, I want you to come home with me. To Absolution. Haven. I don't know where. Just as long as you're with me."
She bowed her forehead against his, as his heart sped up. "You were right. There is anus. There's something there between us I want to explore. I don't know how this is going to work. It scares me. But I want to try—"
Johnny captured the words on her lips.
His hands slid up her sides, shirring the fabric of her tank, as he explored her mouth gently. Eden kissed him back, her hands locking around the back of his neck. He almost couldn't believe she was in his lap. Saying the things he'd wanted her to say. Agreeing to this crazy proposition that had somehow fallen from his lips—
"Bed," she rasped, drawing back from him with glazed eyes.
