Page 91 of The Hero Within
Maybe it would never heal all the damage, but what if it could soften her brother's scars?
"That was before he realizes I'm sleeping—"
"With his sister?"
Johnny shut his mouth, but Eden pushed on, feeling a little breathless now. It could work. "Losing a loved one to the monsters is the one thing every Wastelander fears. There aren't enough of the amulets to go around to save everyone who gets scratched up. But what if you could teach them to control it? What if you could use your omega side to stop wargs from giving into the monster within? You could be the one person who could bring my community back together. They wouldn't have to fear your kind anymore. Humans could live side-by-side with those afflicted with the warg nanotech."
A healer, just like her.
"You want me to teach your brother—and others—how to control and accept themselves?"
"Yes!" she cried. "You can't tell me you were happy roaming the Rim by yourself. I saw the way you looked at the Shadow Rock pack. You want what they could give you. A home. A sense of belonging. And I know a part of you needs to atone for the past." Moving slowly, she rested her hand on his arm. "You could have all of that at Haven."
A breathless laugh escaped him. "Eden—"
"Please. Please consider it."
"Fine. Let's play this game of pretend. What happens if I return with you to Haven, angel?"
She blinked. "What do you mean?"
"You've skipped over one crucial element. You. Me. Your life is in Absolution, not Haven. How dowework in this little dream you have going? Are we over? Do you pat me on the back and send me on my way, grateful you managed to rescue me from a life of nothingness? Do you give in every now and then, when that itch is back? Am I the dirty little secret your brother doesn't need to know about? Or...."
She swallowed. "Or?"
"You tell me what the alternative is," he challenged.
Eden looked away, staring blindly through the bleached bones of the ghost forest. She hadn't had a chance to think about the future. "Everything's been happening so quickly...."
Johnny pushed away from her. "Yeah, I thought so." He gave her a faintly self-mocking smile. "It's a nice thought, Eden. Thank you for offering me a place to live. But I've been many things in my life, all of them forced upon me by another, and you know what? I'm done. I'm done feeling shame and hating myself. I'm done pretending to be something I'm not. If there's one thing I refuse to be it's your dirty little secret. It's not good enough. So if that's all you have to offer me, then I'll see you to Cortez City, and I'll see you home, but I won't be staying in Haven. I won't be someone you can use for sex whenever you get the urge. Because that would break whatever's left of me, and I refuse to let you do that."
"That wasn't what I meant—"
But he was walking away, his shoulders broad in the wretched sunlight. Eden scrambled after him.
"Wait! Don't just walk away!" she called. "Talk to me. Please. I know you're afraid—"
Johnny froze. His head turned, the broad rim of his black hat shielding his face. "I'm afraid? Right back at you, darlin'. You want to talk about the future? Well, you just let me know when you've made your damned mind up."
Then he vanished between the forlorn carcasses of the trees.
There was a horrible taste in her mouth. She knew it well. She'd been stewing herself in it for years.
Good enough to fuck,came those damning words again.
She wanted Johnny to have a chance to find a place for himself, to be happy, but was she prepared to let him in enough to do that at his side?
Instinct saidno.
The part of her that saidouch, hot plate, also said,ouch, broken heart.
He'd hurt her once before.
She'd always thought herself remarkably well adapted, considering what she'd been through. She'd fashioned a safe life for herself. A routine, a job, a home, a brother, a family, people she loved. Everyone in Absolution came to her for advice. She had a surrogate niece and nephew. She had everything she ever needed. Maybe her home felt a little empty at night, but she was useful. Maybe her heart tugged every time she cuddled baby Tommy and reminded herself she was getting on in years now, but it wasn't her fault there were no men who lit a fire within her. She'd told herself for years it sucked that her love life was as barren as the Wastelands around her, but at least the rest of her life was perfect.
But was that the truth?
Or had she merely walled her heart away so she'd never get hurt again? Plenty of men had asked her on dates in the past. She couldn't entirely blame Adam for her lack of a love life. He'd been gone two years, and she'd still been as celibate as a nun.
