Page 138 of You Only Love Twice
"The memories fade," he said softly, rubbing her back.
And she had the sudden horrible realization he spoke from experience.
Who had been there for Obsidian when he woke with blood on his hands?
What had it felt like to know it had beenherblood?
Had he searched for her?
It was one thing to hear him speak of it, quite another to know deep in her gut exactly how itfeltto have the blood of someone you loved on your hands.
"How do you deal with it?" she choked out. "How do you ever let yourself forget?"
"I'm not the one you should ask for advice. I wanted to forget. I wanted to carve the pain from my heart, and so I asked Ghost to put me through a year's worth of conditioning under Dr. Richter's special treatment—the kind he used for X. I got what I asked for. I lost all my memories of you. They tortured them out of me until the mere thought of you brought pain.
"It wasn't until we arrived here last year to enact Balfour's revenge scheme that I began to remember. The first time I saw you it was like a knife to the chest. I hadn't realized Ghost asked Richter to reprogram me at the same time. Every time I saw you I hated you, but I couldn't hurt you. It drove me crazy to crave your presence so much and not understand why. Touching your skin reawakened some part of me they'd locked deep within. Kissing you reignited all I'd ever felt for you. When I kidnapped you, the conditioning started to fail, and you began to bloom in my heart, until those memories started to resurface."
He looked at her intently. "Don't do what I did,lyubov moya. It hurts to know you were used to make others suffer. It should hurt. Gaining back everything I lost is worth all the pain in the world, just to know you again."
She swallowed.
Hard.
"And I will be there for you," he whispered, lacing their fingers together as he lowered his mouth to hers for a glancing kiss. "Every step of the way. For you are mine. You've always been mine. I will take your pain for you if you cannot bear it. I will guard your back when your heart is heavy. But you are stronger than me, and neither of us knows what is going on out there. It might not be... too bad. Don't think the worst. Not until we know the facts."
We.It made all the difference. "What now?"
He hesitated, and she felt it.
"The Council is considering what to do with you. Without Malloryn around to speak on your behalf, there was talk of execution. I believe Charlie had a word with his mentor, Blade, and both he and the Duke of Bleight pushed for the Council to hold their vote until they had all the facts, but it concerns me. The queen is frightened. She doesn't understand what happened. All she sees is how close you came to taking her life. I didn't wish to wait to discover what her verdict is, so I came with you just in case I needed to get you out."
Execution.
Her blood ran cold. All she could see were the faces of those Coldrush Guards. "Perhaps I deserve it."
"If you're going to say such foolish things, then I swear I shall leave you here to face your fate.Da, your body pulled the trigger," Obsidian snapped, "but you were controlled with the neural implant. The question is, my love, are you going to let those who controlled you get away with it?"
He might as well have slapped her.
"Are you going to let them win, Gemma? Because that doesn't sound very much like the woman I know."
Fury flared. She'd been so focused on what she'd done that she hadn't considered the alternatives.
Someone planted that damned thing in her head.
Someone sent her to kill the queen.
Of all the torments she'd suffered in her life, the sheer indignity of having her own will stolen from her was the worst. "You have a point."
"Good. There's one more thing you need to know.... It's Balfour, Gemma."
For a second she didn't think she'd heard him correctly. What did Lord Balfour have to do—
And then every inch of her went cold, as she realized he was watching her carefully, the muscle in his shoulders tensing as if prepared for her reaction.
"Lord Balfour is still alive," he said softly. "He's the true enemy. The one setting all the pieces into play...."
"What?"
