Page 52 of To Catch A Rogue
It was a game they'd played many times before, buteverythinghad changed. It wasn't just the shape of her body, lithe and sleek with curves he wanted to explore, but the three years they'd spent apart. Once upon a time, she'd been his dearest confidant, his closest friend and competitor, but the relationship between them now seemed dangerously complex.
Three years ago she'd have rolled her eyes.
But she didn't now.
It seemed he wasn't the only one fighting his way through the sudden quagmire of unexpected feelings.
"We can't do this," she suddenly said, turning and striding toward the edge of the pool.
"Do what?" He caught her wrist.
"This," she snapped, tugging at her wrist. She was bare seconds away from slinking out of the water, and suddenly he didn't want her to go.
Couldn't let her go.
His breath caught in his throat. "I missed you."
Lark turned her head to the side, tension setting in her shoulders. Her lips parted, her eyes softening.... And then she looked away. "I'm sure you did."
Charlie's hands slid slowly down her side. Did she not understand what the last three years had felt like? No matter how much he tried, without her, it felt like some vital piece of his life was gone. His hand curled over her right hip, and he squeezed a little too hard. "No. You don't get to pretend I didn't care. You spent years freezing me out—"
"I lost the only father I ever knew. I was grieving—"
"Do you think I didn't grieve too?" he demanded sharply, turning her around so he could see her face. The words came out choked, "Ikilled Tin Man. I made a reckless decision, and he paid for it with his life. He threw himself in front of a fucking bullet meant for me. You think I don't recall what you said to me at his funeral every damned day of my—"
"Charlie, no."
A hand caressed his face, and he bit the words off, turning into her touch. Needing it.
"I killed him," he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning into her caress. "And I nearly got you killed in the process. That's the thought that keeps me awake at night. Seeing it all over again. Seeing you bleeding in my arms. I almost lost you."
That moment had defined his entire life. He could separate the elements of his life from that moment as Before the Revolution, and After. Before, he'd been a careless boy, invincible with the craving; and After, he'd been shattered by the loss of something precious.
He had never known, until the moment she nearly died, how much he loved her.
"It was never your fault. Tin Man and I decided to come with you of our own accord. That was our choice. And we paid our consequences. I know he'd have considered his sacrifice worth it. He loved you, Charlie." She shook him a little. "I told you that at the time. I apologized for what I said."
"You hated me," he choked out.
"I didn't hate you." She cupped his face in both hands. "I could never hate you. I was... I was lost. For a long time I was so lost. When I woke up after the Ivory Tower, all I could feel was the crushing hunger of the craving. Every emotion—every hint of grief— it overwhelmed me until I was choking on it. It felt like all of a sudden I’d lost everything—my past, my humanity, Tin Man, you. You," she repeated, caressing his cheek. "You couldn't even bear to be in the same room with me. I wasn't the only one who turned away, Charlie."
"You could hardly stand to look at me."
"That's because I was fighting the craving! Seeing you brought up everything I felt. I could barely control myself at first. You know what it feels like."
Overwhelming urges. Furious emotions. The thirst. The constant fucking thirst....
Of all people, perhaps he did.
"Youleft the Warren. Wanted to make a life for yourself outside the rookeries." Her voice dropped. "You left me behind."
He sucked in a sharp breath. "I left the rookeries because I wanted to make you happy. It felt like you didn't want me there. It felt like I couldn't breathe in the Warren. You were everywhere and with you...." He lowered his head. "With you came the guilt. I needed some space, but it was never from you. I missed you." He pressed his forehead to hers. "I missed you so much I could barely breathe, but I needed the time to work out who I was, and you needed the space to grieve. I missed you. Every day. Every night. Every breath I took."
A tremble ran through her as she captured his wrists. "Charlie...." It sounded like a groan. A plea.
The breath heaved through his chest. He couldn't stop stroking his thumbs down her face, her cheeks.
Her lips.
