Page 122 of Dukes Are Forever
It clearly made him uncomfortable to speak of such things, but she couldn't hide the rush of blood through her veins. He'd been chaste since their wedding. It didn't mean anything, and yet, she wanted to suddenly capture his hair in her fist and drag his mouth down to hers.
"And?"
"I was trying to keep her safe. Balfour has a habit of striking at those closest to me. He wants me to suffer. I'd hoped—" A shake of his head. "I was wrong. She paid for it with her life." His voice roughened. "They all pay for it with their lives."
Suddenly, some of the mysterious puzzle pieces of what drove Malloryn began to fit themselves together. He'd lost Catherine Tate, and now the baroness. It made sense he'd wall himself away where nobody could ever reach him.
It wasn't that Malloryn didn't care.
He cared too much.
And he thought he couldn't afford to.
Perhaps Barrons had been right.
Perhaps Malloryn held her at arm's length because he was trying to protect her.
The revelation left her breathless. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bought it up."
"It's fine. Now it's your turn," he murmured.
"My turn?"
"To share a secret." His eyes glittered as he reached for the washcloth and slowly lathered it. "Lean forward."
Adele complied, and the hot flannel slid across her back. "What sort of secret?"
"Tell me why you can't resist tormenting me."
Adele rested her chin on her knees sleepily. Most of the ice had melted, so she cast the cloth aside. "I always knew you hated me for trapping you—"
"I didn't hate you."
A laugh escaped her. "I thought we were to speak only the truth tonight?"
"I didn't hate you," he repeated.
Slowly, she turned her head.
Their eyes met.
"I disliked the way you manipulated me that night. There's nothing I despise more than being twisted into a situation beyond my control, but the truth is, there are ways I could have managed our engagement so it ended."
A rush of breath escaped her. "Then why did you...?"
"Marry you?" Dark lashes shuttered his eyes. "Because I realized you suited my purposes. It was expected that I would marry at some point, but I've never wanted a wife. The lifestyle I lead... it doesn't lend itself to being a husband. I have no time for a wife. And I did not wish to give some young woman the wrong impression—that ours would be any sort of match beyond contractual. I gave my heart once, Adele. There is nothing left for another woman."
"And here I was," she whispered, understanding exactly what he meant. "A wife who would be content to accept a match in name only. Someone who would make no demands of you, nor one who... who wanted your heart."
"Exactly."
She felt a little ill.
Because while she might have portrayed such an impression to the world, it wasn't what she wanted at all.
Water dripped over her shoulders as Malloryn continued washing her back. "And so you provoke me because...?"
Because I want you to look at me. Because you frustrate me. Because you attract me. Because there's a part of me that wants to know what it feels like to wake in your arms.
