Page 63 of Crown of Darkness
“Trust me. He’s not interested in me.” A winter’s night holds more warmth than her voice right now. “None of them are truly interested in me.”
“Do I want to know?”
She looks down her nose at me. “Do I want to ask what sort of power you were channeling at the Queensmoot?”
I freeze.
Eris looks out over the castle. “I’m not a fool, Vi. The others were distracted by your mother’s assault, but I’m the weapon at Thiago’s right hand. I’m supposed to be his shield. I’ve spent centuries training to recognize threats. And the only time I’ve ever felt the hairs rise on my arms the way they did at the Queensmoot was when we went to Mistmere and you made that bargain with the Mother of Night. Are you going to tell the others?”
“I….”
All of a sudden, I can’t breathe.
“I won’t tell them,” she says curtly. “It’s your secret, not mine. Because I don’t think that was the Mother of Night’s power. You were channeling the ley lines, and there’s only one creature I know who is supposed to have the power to do that.”
Theleanabh an dàn.
Somehow, I start breathing again. In my mother’s court, a secret such as this could be catastrophic. But… “If word of this got out….”
“As I said, it’s your secret.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that.” Eris takes a deep breath, looking troubled. “None of us will turn away from you, Vi. I know you find it hard to trust, but we’re family.”
“That’s a word that holds a different meaning for me.”
She looks at me for a long moment. “They were going to kill me.”
“Who?”
“When I was younger,” she says, resting her hands on the parapet and looking over the bailey, “I was not… wholly in control of myself. I would try to contain the creature inside me, but sometimes I’d scent blood or hear an injured animal calling out, and it was enough to force me to the killing edge.” Her face locks down. “I’ll spare you the details, but by the time the hunters finally caught me, the entire Seelie Alliance sat in judgement over me. They wanted my head. It was safer. Kinder, they said. The only difficulty lay inhowto execute me safely, and I’ll never forget that feeling—listening to them debate just how they were going to do it without rousing the creature inside me. There was only one ruler who stayed silent. Only one of them who watched me, his eyes slowly narrowing. And he asked me what I would do if I was offered a chance of absolution. And I saidanything.”
I see it in her face, what that hope did to her.
And I know who that ruler was.
“Thiago said he would help me learn to bind away the creature inside me and control it. He would take me into his kingdom, take me under his wing, and if I broke again—if I lost control—then he would bear the burden of my execution.” Eris releases a shaky breath. “It cost him the border lands. Your mother was the only one who refused to consent until he offered her the one thing she desired most, just to save me.”
I’ve always wondered how Eris came to be the shadow over his shoulder, the threat that cows the world.
My mother used to say that Thiago leashed “that bitch,” and it was the worst mistake she’d ever made—allowing it.
But it’s not a leash.
And I love him all over again for being the kind of ruler who can inspire his people with such hope. They will all die for him and give their lives gladly, and my mother doesn’t understand that.
“He gave me a reason to fight,” she continues. “If I lost control again, then it was no longer merely my own head on the executioner’s block, but his too, and through him, an entire kingdom. But more than that, he gave me the greatest gift anyone has ever offered me in my fight. I’d given in to despair, and the monster feeds upon despair. It choked me with loneliness until there was no reason not to give in. But when he believed in me…, I was no longer alone. I was no longer lost in the dark. There was a hand reaching through the darkness for me, pulling me to my feet, offering me strength.
“Finn, Baylor, Lysander, even Thalia….” Eris turns her ancient eyes upon me. “They’re my family now. We are all broken in some way. We are all considered monsters or outcasts. There’s no other place for any of us to go, but he gives us a home. He gives us hope. And all it costs us is loyalty. There’s a reason he was drawn to you, Vi. It’s the same reason he was drawn to all of us—because he sees a piece of himself in us. He sees the boy that he was, and the choices he was offered, and the things he was forced to do to survive—and he sees that same desperation within us.”
I think I understand what she’s telling me.
“You’re not alone, Vi. We are your family—no matter what happens. And he’s your husband. Don’t let your inner monster win.”
I rest both hands on the parapet and say dryly, “My inner monster sounds a lot like my mother.”
Eris gives a rough laugh. “Mine sounds like my father.”
