Page 50 of From London, With Love
And her doubts grew.
All along she’d thought his humanity had been the point of contention. But what if there was more to it?
Gideon had said himself that he had no desire to be named consort. He was the head of the humanist movement, and if he married her, he would have to give up his political ambitions. The very thing that made her love him the most, was possibly the thing that might keep them apart.
Her confidence evaporated.
“So you will go? Just like that?” Her voice broke. “You promised. You promised you would never leave me.”
“And I meant it. I will never leave you in here,” he said, thumping a fist against his heart. “But I did not realize how it would feel to watch you kiss another man.” His eyes grew anguished. “I cannot do this, Alexa. I cannot stand aside, not unless I am far away.”
“Then don’t.” She caught his sleeve. “Don’t stand aside.”
“I cannot marry you.”
“Says who?” she demanded. “Mina seems to think there is a way to manage the blue bloods. She seems to think I could marry a human. And your… your commitment to Humans First could be—”
“I’m not just human, Alexa. I am a no one. My father’s grandfather was a baron. I’m not a prince. I’m not even a noble myself. I have so little aristocratic blood in my veins, it may as well not exist. I am virtually a commoner, Alexa. And you are aqueen.” He captured her face between his hands. “As for the party—”
She kissed him desperately, in order to still the words. Gideon froze, and then he captured her mouth with an anguished moan. All the things that couldn’t be said spilled forth in a storm of passion. But even as their bodies meshed, she couldn’t quite still her mind.
A tear slid slowly down her cheek as she realized this was very likely the last time they would ever embrace.
The urge to cast it all to the winds—duty, her commitment to the throne and her people—brewed within her like a stale batch of tea. Why could she not choose him?
Why could she not have just one thing for herself?
Alexandra broke the kiss, gasping for air.
“Stay,” she begged, clinging to his coat and shaking her head. “I won’t marry anyone else. I won’t do it. We’ll find a way. We could be lovers. We could take precautions. Elizabeth managed to rule by herself.”
“Alexa.” He carefully tugged her fingers free of their grip upon him, bringing them to his lips to kiss. The sadness in his eyes made the lump in her throat almost chokingly thick, for it held a “no.” “You must marry. I see that now. And I want that for you. I want you to be happy. I want you to bear the children I cannot give you. And I will always think of you fondly. I will always be there if you should ever have need, but this… this needs to end. For both our sakes.”
“And if I commanded you to stay?”
Gideon slowly stiffened. “I am bound to serve my queen.”
But it would break him to do that, and it was only selfishness speaking. Her need for him overpowering her respect for this gentle, intelligent man.
Alexa swallowed hard, letting go of his hands.
She wasn’t going to merely surrender. Not now. She just needed time to think her way through this mess.
“I will always love you,” she whispered.
His gloved hands came up, brushing the tears from her cheek. “And I you.”
A crack of distant thunder retorted.
Alexandra could bear it no longer. She tugged her hood up and swept away from him in a flurry of wet skirts, her eyes blinded by the tears she could no longer withhold.
And so, she did not see the figure step out of the bushes ahead of her, a pistol raised.
* * *
“Well,”Gemma said, huddling beneath an oak tree and blowing into her cupped hands. “It’s a lovely day to be squiring Her Majesty around the countryside. I don’t suppose anyone has a flask of hot toddy on them?”
The pair of Coldrush guards who waited with her glanced at each other.
