Page 124 of Thief of Souls
It’s complicated.
He sees it in my eyes.
“The King Beyond the Shadowfangs wants to break the curse upon our people.” It bursts from my lips. “He sent me here to bring him the horn. If he finds the cauldron, then he’ll use it to set us free.”
“And you think he’s going to stop there?” Keir growls, his shadow falling across me as he steps closer. “I know what manner of creature your king is, Zemira. It doesn’t end there. It never does. It will end in war. Your king doesn’t want to set you free. He wants vengeance against the fae.”
“I know!”
“And you’ll what?” Anger darkens his brow as he stares at me in disbelief. “You’ll just give it to him?”
I rake my hands through my hair. “If he uses it to break the curse, then I can steal it back from him. I can get it back for you.”
Keir looks as though I just slapped him. “You’ve been planning this from the start.”
“Not from the start, no! He was the one who tore me from that dream. I couldn’t believe it when he gave me the same assignment. I didn’t intend to…. I never wanted to….”
“Betray me?” There’s a sense of bleakness in his eyes. “I kept telling myself it was different this time. I thought I knew the truth.” He scrapes a hand over his mouth. “But every time you open your mouth, lies fall out.”
There’s a piercing ache in my chest.
It’s better this way.
It has to be better.
“Why?” His voice breaks. “Why?I’ve offered you everything—”
“Because I can’t give youanything!” My chest heaves as we stand there staring at each other. “I can’t.”
“Can’t? Or won’t?”
Looking him in the eye is beyond me right now. “It’s not just me. We’re not all monsters. There are those among the wraithenkind who deserve a chance to live their lives free of this curse. There’s a blight afflicting our kind, a twist of the curse that is killing us. And… Soraya….” I gesture toward her, still seeing that dark mottling on her skin. “I was going to get it back for you.”
But even as I say the words, I can’t help sensing how pathetic they sound.
His expression closes over, and he gives a bitter laugh. “I was a fool once. And I knew when you walked into my dreams again I was taking the risk that I would be a fool again, but I didn’t truly believe….” He shakes his head. “Thank you. For making it very clear to me what your intentions are.”
I’ve lost him.
Forever.
And it hurts, even though a part of me knew it was never going to be.
That’s the cost of hope—you know it’s a lie and yet you still want it. You still want to believe its gentle whispers. You see a single reason to believe in it, and your heart throws itself wholeheartedly into the cause.
“I’m sorry.” The whisper steals over my dry lips. I don’t know whether it’s the look in his eyes or the steel in his voice that hurts the most. “I’ve warned you dozens of times. I tried to tell you—”
“Tried what?” he snaps. “Tried to tell me the truth? Was that before or after you kissed me? Before or after you fucked me?” He breathes out an incredulous laugh. “Did you even want me, or were you just trying to lure me where you wanted me?”
“You make me sound like some sort of conniving witch.” It’s just one blow after the other. “I kissed you because….”
His gaze sharpens with savage intensity, and he leans closer. “Because…why?”
It’s all there in his face. The want. The need. The… hope.
“Because I wanted you,” I breathe. “Because for once in my fucking life I wanted to pretend it could be this way. You want to know thetruth?” My voice lifts, right there at the end. “I know what my future holds, and it’snot you. But I just wanted to believe in it for a moment. Every time you kissed me… I couldn’t stop you. I couldn’t stop you because I wanted you too much. And I hate it. I hate that you make me feel this way.” The words come thick and choking. “I’m a wraith-born bastard of a murderous king. I don’t belong in this world, Keir. I don’t belong inyourworld.”
I press the heels of my hands to my eyes, turning away from him. It’s better this way. It has to be better.
