Page 117 of Curse of Darkness
It feels like drowning in the abyss and finally having someone throw you a rope.
But to take it, I have to tell him the truth.
“I can’t fight thisthinginside me.” Every day, every step I take… it’s there, breathing down the back of my neck. I spent years with it locked down deep inside me. I had every magical ward that could be summoned tattooed into my skin. Sometimes I could feel it bubbling up inside me, choking in the back of my throat, but I could swallow it down. “My wards vanished the second I died. The sorcerers who set them are long dead.” It’s a truth I’ve been staring in the face for far too long, but I’ve never dared look that truth in the eye. “I don’t know if I can lock it away again.”
Ever since Vi brought me back, it feels like razor sharp claws have hooked deep into my soul and they’re not letting go.
Death has got those claws around the edge of my shields. I can’t shut the lid now. I can’t lock it away.
“Then don’t,” Finn tells me with a growl.
“What?”
“Come on,” he says, clapping a hand on the back of my neck and steering me down the stairs. “My father had a saying for this—”
“You hated your father.”
Finn shrugs. “Love. Hate. Two sides of the same coin. But he always spoke sense. And he always said that if you don’t face the demon inside you, then you will never win on a field of war. You spend too much time fighting yourself and by the time you hit the battleground, your shield arm is heavy.”
I cut him a half savage look. “What does that mean?”
“Let’s hit the training yard and figure it out. Thalia will watch over Vi.”
24
THIAGO
“Alright,” Finn says, draining his mug of tea as we watch dawn break over the training yard. “Let’s fight it out.”
I clasp both hands behind my head as he heads for the sword rack. “I don’t think I’m in the mood to pull my punches today.”
“Then don’t.”
He doesn’t understand. “It’s there. The edge is right there within me.”
Finn picks a sword and then turns understanding eyes upon me. “Then we’ll face it together.”
“Finn—”
The muscle in his jaw shifts. “You won’t kill me, Thi. I spar with Eris and Baylor every day. I trade punches with Xander. I get my ass kicked on a regular basis, because I can’t ever let myself off the leash. You think you’re the only one who rides that edge? I can’t ever push back, Thi. I can’t ever push too hard.” A hungry light comes to life in his eyes. “I was bred for war. I was trained to kill. I am very, very good at what I do. Every day I step into this arena and face that darkness within myself. Every day I leash it. And every day I fight the urge to remove that leash, to let the hot spray of blood splash across my face and violence spill through me.” He breathes in. Then out. The hunger dies, and Finn smiles. “And just in case you think this Sylvaren bastard can’t hold his own against you, let me assure you of one thing: Vi gave me a fucking enormous sword that can’t be defeated in battle.”
He sets his hand on the hilt of the Sword of Mourning suggestively.
With it, he might actually be able to stop me. I hesitate for long moments before surrendering.Fine. I strip my gloves off, tossing them aside. I need to hit something.
“I’ve been thinking,” he says.
“Good thing Grimm’s not here. He might have an opinion on that statement.”
“Ouch.” Finn starts, and then he laughs under his breath. “Did I say I missed you? I lied. I must have lied. You’re hitting me where it hurts today.”
“You missed me.”
Finn rolls his eyes. “That furry little fucker is tucked up in bed with Vi and Amaya. He’s working his way straight to the top and he knows it.”
It feels good to laugh. It doesn’t last for long though. “What have you been thinking?”
“We’ve got three armies coming our way. Goblins. Asturia. And the unseelie. We face each battle as it comes, but we both know who the main threat is.”
